Désemparé

It felt like a test
As if she was waiting
For me to react to see
If how she behaved
Was still worthy of my love

She knew better
But she pretended not to
Or at least it looked like
She was pretending
Maybe she wasn’t
Playing dumb

Bodily strength was
Held onto by some
Mental grasp for reality
That lost hold of
Everything else

Crying for what was no longer
Yearning for separation
To finally embrace peace

To say goodbye is not enough
Leftover plates full of pain
And sanity is everything
To gain

I remember wanting this
Planning a trip to Egypt
And falling short of all fear
Of expecting to hide in a tomb
If she brought her behaviors with her

For what is missed is what
Was wanted

For what is kissed is what
Is goodbye

Also good luck is bad luck
Solitary confinement
Played out by what is
No longer needed

When all you wanted
Was to be needed

And he moves through his life
As he is free and he is chained
And he is free again

Better than he was before
But later than earlier

And now present fusion
Scratching at tomorrow

We are so much life
We can live again
The way we were before
As we are now

Before he was distraught

© GÄ

Sixteen Percent

Packing and organizing things
After he left should I stay here
Or move to Florida I couldn’t yet
Figure the distance although
It seemed rational to do both
Perhaps a modicum of hope that
Would lead me to happiness
On both ends people most likely
Would wait but it’s a rhythm that
Is important to keep and he had
Somewhere to be by four o’clock

Someone said there was a snake
In the room at one time but he was
Only a pet I wasn’t sure if the truth
Was garbled but I kept picking up
The space knowing that at some point
I would either run into it or some
Remanent if it’s existence there

Underneath the table where
Not much has been cleaned for awhile
I found a couple of boxes of
Tissues practically full but had
Slid behind and so no one bothered to
Go under to retrieve them
There were soft cedar chips below
Which made me realize something
Had been under here but when
Or how long ago was unclear

It didn’t matter though I was
Having fun in this treasure trove
Of a place and the folks here wanted to
Do something about it but
No one had the motivation
So when he left we decided to
Dedicate a space of some
Of his belongings like a chapel
Or a living memoir or something else

And I could fly back and forth
From city to city living in
Both places it was just a matter
Of deciding whether to keep the
Old xerox machine that looked
Like it was some kind of
Makeshift table now
But upon moving it I realized
The decision wasn’t pertinent
Just yet

© GÄ