she – Poétique

Brontide

Bamboozled me into believing
Something else was true love
My success is her demise
Even if she walks like a ghost
In the background of my life
She is ingrained in the fabric
Of my watery living past
Left to haunt me like an apparition
That only he who remembers
Or chooses not to forget by
Looking back through images
Like a video in his mind
And pictures of a vibrating history
Shaking the walls of his soul
Is left desultory to want to believe
Real care existed or did it just live
In the past not consistent anymore
Or forever a stratagem to
Love without measure
This was always his hope

Exitway

She didn’t have to
But she did it anyway
Is it resentment or just jealousy
For the loss of the family girl
She promised to be when she was
Behaving like a little devil
Wearing the past like a dress
That didn’t quite work out for the
Dinner party she showed up to
Still the history was quaint
No one knew if her decisions
Were her own but she used to
Make them all by herself
Like sitting up! Not anymore
I think I’ll stop giving people
The option you know?
She quailed, “I’ve got a mind to!”
Many are most likely to say no
Seems the brain is wired that way
Speaking of wires it’s been
A long time since a telephone call
With someone to share
The good stuff like
Heart perversions and
Reasons for taking the train
To New York but not without
A book on how to make
Good decisions and an index
On who to speak to for herself
The imagination is strong
The ties are calling her
Railroad fantasies are long

Money$ick

She made herself sick
Thinking about it
“Get me a towel,” she said.
She was handing out money
But having trouble recovering it
Her honesty was in her tears
And her hesitation
Mostly she just needed a friend
She was wearing glasses that
Had dragons on them poking out
Her house was big but
She was missing some things
No doubt she was an
Imposter to herself
A syndromatic cast about

It’s sad to be buying your friends
And at what cost
To be honest is the waver
When she crawled to me on the floor
To show me that she was wrong
Also that she didn’t mean to be
I knew she was sincere

I was ready to make deposits
Into those accounts for her
But she stopped me which
Made the whole thing believable
And although the signatures
Were legitimate it still appeared
To me that something was
Totally off

I wanted to help her out
In every way that I could
Still to hesitate was showing
Mischief on the horizon
Like a naughty comet
Shooting off to burn through
The skyline of affairs
What would be the consequences
Later to beware of

Losing balance comes with age
So did appreciation for the
Capability to make decisions
Even when the bitter winds
Ripped through your warmest garments
Felt like we were trespassing
In some forbidden land

The best move at this point
Was to draw her a bath
She would come around when
The tide turned and those
Questionable deposits could be
Another conversation burned
Into a different hour
An easier day

If time allows

Roadtrip

Everyone has to be awake
In a unique way in traffic
A collective consciousness of
Being aware as an orchestra might be

I noticed the little red trees
Sparingly they were positioned on the
Background of a hill that reminded
Me of a roadtrip I took once
But the weather was not the same

I’m sorry that I couldn’t stand your heat
In many ways we were perfectly suited
Such a familiar face I can almost see
You everywhere like some anti dismal
Gesture of a once treasured canvas
Awww, suppose we always ache
For the sweet natured side!

It wasn’t like I’d never heard a woman yell before
More so the act was something I was
Trying to escape or run away from
I’m not sure that I intended to completely
Isolating myself from you; but my body
Always knew there was no guard
From a woman who screamed like that
Tantrums for adults one could say

In the resistance the push back was
A bit more like attempting to sing
Something I’d been practicing as a soloist
To a woman who was truly unable to
Appreciate my identity so the voice
actually fell flat and she mocked me
A bit by not staying to share her opinion

Really trying to do your best is
A bit like purposefully failing yourself
Without actually knowing that you
Might have been better off with
A performance that was worth
Much less in your mind
A note I wrote down permanently
On the inside for safekeeping

A little of this and a little of that
Built up overtime and though I
Felt resistant to the storm at times
I had only myself to keep me warm
Or take the brunt of dissolution

What a beautiful shame to be
Surrounded by such adversity and
To also misunderstand its love
I always said thunderbolts and lightning
Were better for the theater of heaven
And dramatic bitching so much
More divine to take in on a silver screen

Even though she was on edge
Until we got home;
Car rides weren’t completely unbearable
But they sure did leave a mark

Sober and Alone

She wants only for herself
She wants only for her
She waits only for herself
She waits only for her
Nothing left
Nothing left
Bouncing off
The hopeless hap
The helpless gap
The hapless crap
She wants only for herself
I don’t believe that
It can’t be true
I need a smoke
I need a drink
I need more time to think
But I prefer to do it
Sober and alone
With a piano
Passed out drunk
On the floor
Intoxicated only
By the music
Of my deafening heartbeat

Femme

I see a woman who
Cannot take the undoing
And so she abandons
Her heavenly post
Still yet

There is a paradox
That is you
Both impulsive
And systematic
But most of all
Cheerful

And loving

I see a woman
That is dangerously
Caring in the most beautiful way

And yet

Like an orchestra
She plays
The brightest heartbeat
Of a powerful
Instrument
Herself

Her sleep
Is like an angel
Her open eyes hold
The light of the Multiverse

Her
Vulnerable waves
Like the ocean
Like her hair
Embrace you in a way
That nothing else would ever dare

Is she a spirit guide
A flight attendant
To the astral world?

Her laughter is infectious
There is an electricity rediscovered
In myself when she
Visits

Her pier has no code
She comes and she goes

Her home is unknown

She is
A conductor of hope
Composer to confidence
That reassures me to
Ascend

Direct my
Body and
Connect me
You are welcome
To my dreams

You are a woman
That has seen more than I’ve seen
You are a woman
That knows more than I know

Dressed in white
Extraordinarily
Her sound

Dhvani kee tarang

Remarkable
Profound

I hear her voice
Echoing behind me
Like a familiar
Memory