There

I feel a distance a dissonance an echo
From the floor up like a swirl of
Confusion winding its way
Through the people that
Know me but do not
Understand me

Is it because I make it difficult to see me
Or are you someone who finds it
Challenging to love
Is this a self care thing
Is it jealousy, is it fear
What is it that will
Not allow us to
Be near

It seems so obvious
That a person in need of help
Is the first go to and
Because this is what I do
I ask why does it feel strange
That I do not see it in you?

Speaking specifically to the installation
Of creation that I made for all of us
When it was all said and done
Only one of you took down a single
One all of the effort on my
Part even in a time of need
That would have helped me
To feel loved only one of
You bought a canvas
The artwork
Of us

It sits in my closet and I am still proud
Was it because I scared you with
The anniversary of my brother’s death
Was it because you are just too superficial
To realize?
Was it because you thought I simply
Made a bad choice in life
And that I lied?
Do you think me fake
When everything in me
Was ready to break
The people that were invested
In the project I felt left it
For dead
This is all in my head no?
Or just a reoccurring nightmare with
Work flow that I cannot seem
To put my finger on

I think about the time that I took to
Reset myself and I wonder what
Happened when I was gone?
What were the sounds that
Got thrown around from
The bowl
To the break room

From the front of the room to the back
Trophies everywhere my heart
Invested minute by minute of the
Five weeks that I spent without
Sleep nor care for my own time
To accomplish something I
Am still so very proud of

But like a stain it rests there
I take this as my art to bear
But still cannot figure
Out why I feel an emptiness
When I know that
There was more depth
Than any of us had ever shared
On a project like this

The true haunting
The true scare
Happy Halloween
I have loved you
With my mark
There

© GÄ