Spindrift

She stood outside and cried
Inexplicably in front of me

It was like she was
Saying goodbye
Without saying a word
Just tears

She came there deliberately
Shadowing the street
Like an intruder that
Needed support

Like a burglar
Up for stealing everything
Including your heart

But what did she mean
To do by coming and never
Returning?

Closed closed closed

I need a friend
Who can anchor my abilities
Encouraging my persistence
Reflect my cosmic powers
Eye contact that says yes
You can! Because I
Still believe that you’re
Incredible

What is this deep sense
Of hurt that requires a
Modern reckoning?

As I hold her
On the sidewalk
And she shakes with
Sobbing sounds
I feel her ache
I draw her pain inward

And yet I never
See her again after that

Isn’t life amazingly
Strange

© GÄ

Once Upon a Time

There was a symbol of your love
Who woke me up in the trees
Just a few hours after you left me
I heard the birds
Outside, they called so many

I went to see what was going on
Sound and agitation
Unbelievably birds and more birds I lost count
In the bamboo and garden
Where we have spent so much time
With others

I feel it sincerely as a lighthouse
Or a notice to be confirmed
A phone call from you
By natures will
You know I miss you and
You’re here even if
You can’t be physically

I have stayed long in counting
One by one, I looked around to see
If something would attract traffic
Were there any seeds or bread or
Food scattered but nothing
They had all come of their own accord
With nothing to magnetize them

Except you

Incredibly, there must be
Sixty to a hundred, all different
Kinds of birds, blue jays and sparrows
Other voices I have not heard
I can’t distinguish exactly each
All together in a choir, I feel you

We have been living here
Almost fourteen years
On this property and we built
This garden and this space together
It was a reason to make it nice
Because of you and the purpose
That you gave me all the meaning
To wake up and go to work
At the grocery store, I experience
It here now; how did they know to come
On Christmas Day
A garden full of wild birds

As I walked away for an hour or two
Now later, they’re still there
The inexplicable, I turn off the TV
And I listen to their collective singing
To know that it’s you and that it’s true
You’re always with me while they
Continue to carry each voice
No matter the type, they all sing together

Inlay my body on the floor
Listen to the sound near the back door
The cold air flows over me in a bath of
Music that I will always remember
A moment as a visit and a miracle
I became aware
Forcing my body to be present
When I want to detach

We may not be available for our
Supernatural miraculous moments
Superstitious or others
If we do not listen and descale
I remember if the heart is closed
We are not open

It’s only one time
We only get one chance

© GÄ

A Better Place

Wassailing through the morning
Silently to myself in a rush of text
Or memories of songs stuck in the head

Red lights glimmering on rocks
I’m barely aware of my legs
I’ve had thirty five years without you
But the last fifteen with you here
I’m unclear what the rest of it will be like

I made an oath to myself
That I should walk our regular path without you
And I’m keeping it today
To feel myself and find my strength
In general, it does not compute as though
Many can relate to this repetition
Going at your pace, standing at corners
Feeling the absence of you there slowly
I wonder if you feel it on the other side
Our spiritual bind is strong
But our physical bond has been broken

I walk where you no longer walk
Where you were once disoriented
Now, so am I without you

I have so many seasons to go
In this way

Breathing the loss of your presence
It’s not much different than the pain
Others feel for themselves I imagine
But when you accept the same rhythm
For so long, so comfortable so soft

So absent

It is almost its own kind of torture
To have loved and then to have lost

© GÄ

Still Trickling

Manipulative tactics
To gain strategic advantage
Softening words
To ease the blow
Premeditated thoughts
Inculpability brought
To a table where
Nothing innocent lies
All the truth will defy
What the color of
Creative conversation
Is trying to cover up
Like muddy roses
Dirty work at its finest
Trampling down
Your only defense
“It’s all about me!”
Years of affection
No protection for the
Kindest of souls
The criminal code
For former friend
Stalking behaviors
When someone feels
Entitled to do whatever
They choose
Social media likes or
Otherwise more like
Social drivebys
Gun to the heart
Friendship lost
No remorse
Missing parts
Want it to end
Still trickling in

© GÄ