heart – Poétique

Boundary Recoil

Not A Title,
Not A Fixed Name

Spoken Once And Held Forever—

But A Pattern
That Keeps Returning
Like Breath Against A Window

⸻

I Have Not Chosen One Life
I Have Followed What Repeats

I Build,
Again And Again—
Small Worlds Of My Own Making,
Tea, Rooms, Language,
Places That Hold A Certain Feeling

I Move Toward What Has Texture—
Sound, Air, Light,
The Way A Place Speaks Without Asking

And When Something Tightens,
When It Asks Me To Become Smaller
Than I Know Myself To Be—

I Leave

Not As Failure,
But As Correction

Consent
Coherent grief

⸻

There Are Lives That Stand Still
And Call That Certainty

Mine Moves

It Gathers,
It Refines,
It Rearranges The Atmosphere
Until Something Quiet Inside Me Says:

Yes, This Is Closer

⸻

I Do Not Arrive
I Tune

I Do Not Declare
I Return

And What Keeps Returning—
That Is The Path

In My Company
Μου Αρέσουν Τα
Πουλιά, Οι Γάτες Και Τα Σκυλιά

⸻

Not Straight
Not Secure
But Unmistakable
In Its Repetition

Something New Like
Its Own Resurrection

Cerveau des Étoiles

What would it take
To pull me out of this hole
There are only
So many stars left in the
Sky to love me this way

Even typing is difficult
So the outer space
Begins to inscribe
Upon my heart

What my hands cannot do
Does the world grow tired
Of my words

Will they crave what the
Planets choose to write

Can I crack my brain
Open enough to poor the
Plenty in

To sink and drink me in
A portal
What is the traditional
Recipe of life
A paste of pleasure
Our souls simmered
In red wine

Come back tomorrow
Find your tastebuds
Waiting for you
At a table with friends

No longer strangers

Ugly

Even a gift can be ugly.

It doesn’t arrive in silk
or land softly in the hand—
it drags itself across the floor,
loud, uneven,
refusing to be mistaken for grace.

You thought relief would feel like light.
Instead, it felt like friction—
paper instead of air,
checks instead of ease,
a system that stutters where you once smoothed.

But what you called smooth
was your own body absorbing impact.

You were the silence
that made everything look like harmony.

Now the noise has somewhere else to live.

They call it awkward.
You call it visible.

They call it inconvenient.
You call it accurate.

And accuracy is not pretty.

It has edges.
It names who carries what.
It refuses to blur.

This is the gift—
not polished, not gentle,
not grateful for being received.

It is the return of weight
to the hands that generated it.

It is the end of invisible labor.

It is the moment the structure stands
without you holding it up from underneath.

Even a gift can be ugly.

Especially the ones
that give you back to yourself.

Becoming

Can someone explain to me
Why all my limbs
Are falling asleep

What will become
Of me in three years time

Will there be enough to
Survive

How much it matters now
Responds with distance

We live for today
Today becomes our future
What happens later
If there’s not enough

We become tired
Almost a whisper
Of our past

The thing that shaped us
Disappearing

What will become
What will become

Bird

I’m like a bird
Free in the way that doesn’t land
Circling because the ground
Still asks too much

We’re on top of the world
Until we’re not
Until gravity remembers us

This boundary was not for
Anyone else but me
A quiet fence I built
So I wouldn’t keep bleeding
Where I already knew it hurt

I feel so down I don’t know
How I can make it work
I slept all day to greet the world tomorrow
And tomorrow arrives anyway,
Still carrying the sadness

I want fun
A drink.
A smoke.
A moment that doesn’t ask me
To be whole

Inescapable me

I’m torn up
I hope I find myself tomorrow,
But I can’t decide
If tomorrow wants me yet

I don’t know if I will ever go home
I know I don’t want to
And thinking I don’t have to
Makes me happy in a way
That surprises me

I can’t make sense of life
Right now
Standing in the middle of my
Essence falling apart,
Trying to conjugate a future
That won’t sit still

I just need fun
Relaxation
Something in me
Something to me

This is the moment before resilience —
Love has left,
And meaning has no resemblance

The structure I believed in is gone
The effort no longer feels legible
The world loses saturation

Something careful
Was treated carelessly

She responded with love
Because she knows who I am —
Not because she didn’t feel anything

Whatever I once was
And I don’t have to earn that grace
By suffering forever

The love for me is great at home,
Somehow I don’t think I can circle back to it

I will return to my mother

Simple

The left hand goes numb
Over time the heart throbs

Read the ancients
They will tell you

We are capsules
In time carrying the weight
It only grows

What we miss we wish
What we hold
Will grow old

And with time the
Answers we sought
Will become more
Evident

A truth untold
In ourselves

Not only ours
Belonging to
All of us

Sharing the best
We hold the worst
In this we find

Later that the
Understanding was
Always a part of us

Never open enough
Inside to receive
An invitation
To the self

Intimataffect

Desire for affection
Doesn’t disappear

No longer sure
What I see when I see
What could be

Frozen in my head
What is the difference between
One position on the planet
Or another

We are the same
Our environment shifts
We are alive
Scenarios change

Wanting to be held
One rejection is
Many times over
Later

Reoccurring experiences
Are reminded where
To land inside of us

Alone at home
Is not the same
As alone in the garden

Furniture is not
Flowers and mountains
Climb up hold the stone
Fall down ask for less

Witness

Finally living
In expanded freedom
But still orienting
Self as if freedom
Requires justification

A witness
Or permission.

I don’t want someone to fix me.
I want someone to
See me in motion and say
yes, that’s real.

Witness to the self
Deeper stratums
Interpretive power
I cannot be rewritten

My soul is settled

Passion without pacing
Love burns without responsibility
All hollows resound
Labor without reciprocity scorches

Somatic sauce

And now you feel it
Like I feel it

And now you feel it
Like I felt it

When you didn’t care
Or didn’t know how to

And we don’t have to
Maybe you see me now
Perhaps in motion or
Alone

But not invisibly
It’s all yours

Heart Over Head

The common thread:
Invisible labor + deferred regard

Asymmetric adaptation
Before I gave my heart away
“Is this how I sound?”
We used to dance
Then —
Ask the clarifying questions
Your self interest is revealing itself
What time isn’t it?

I no longer need witnesses to my integrity
“Is this how my words land
When I’m not holding them?”
Many many boulders

Carrying weight is not what broke me
Carrying weight
While being disregarded did.
Period
When the full moon came
Clarity was acceptable
But only when it didn’t cost them
What it cost me
I heard my canary singing
It falls apart a lot with logical inconsistencies
Could his song hold me?
It was acceptable when
I absorbed their messiness,
but unacceptable when they do.

That’s what you’re here to hold
That’s why you made it into the egg
That betrays you with cold intolerant
Phrases like « you’re a freak »
When the cape becomes mandatory
I become invisible

Stop negotiating with shadows
I can be someone alone

I am no longer willing to sacrifice
My well-being to preserve
Your autonomy —
Especially when that sacrifice is invisible
Unacknowledged, and expected —-

My nervous system is not
Commercial property

But they made decisions that affected you
And they did not care how it affected
Your world

Suspension
Suspended
Suspend me

Darkness
Water
Islands

If I don’t protect myself here, no one else will.

Self reckoning

You don’t need to disown
That part of you that expects
Love to meet you

It takes time to trust a system that doesn’t require you to bleed to function…

They didn’t object when
Self-interest flowed one way…
…they objected when it stopped flowing

toward them.

Even when I named my feelings
Directly, they continued to
Prioritize their wants —
And expected me to adapt

Adopt
Adopt me

I am not safe here if I keep waiting to be considered.

Anticipatory self-abandonment.
Chronic vigilance
First light
I am no longer required to disappear to keep others comfortable
Unzipped
The internal contract has changed
Deregulation
is internally regulated

When hurt
Understands systems and process
When hurt
Doesn’t require approval to proceed
When hurt
Doesn’t respond to intimidation

Rejecting your threat response
Is delicious
My ground is open
My stance is strong
My tongue untied
It takes time to trust a system
That doesn’t require you to bleed to function

Weighted

Heavy love
It’s coming for you
Not just sex
A lot of romance too
Heavy love
Dark corners
Painted rooms
Rugs on hardwood floors
Spread out on the
Ground with you
Heavy love
It’s starting
On the way to you
Haven’t met you
But I know the truth
That when I get there
We will find the view
Sitting looking at the sea
With you is the beginning
Heavy love on
It’s way to you
So many weeks
Will turn into days
And when we get there
Reflection
To give you space but
Also hold your heart
If you have no one
To love you
It’s difficult to learn
To love yourself