Poem – Page 26 – Poétique

Vacancy

I thought I wanted to give up
But then I realized the mail
Would have nowhere to go
Climbing overhead into the upstairs
Attic I peeked into a small
Opening and saw a place
That I remembered hanging
Out in with all of my favorite things

Part of me didn’t want to leave
And part of me felt like I was
Just ordinary as if the things
That made me special were
The same as everyone else
And there was no one to tell him
Any different

I remember holding my cat and
Crying like this once before
Sixteen years ago and still
A feeling of being alone
Except this time it was because
I had everything he needed
Or wanted but still felt unseen

Buying gifts for people one barely knows
How silly who’s doing that?
Someone’s husband is going to
Want to wrangle you to the ground
Someone’s girlfriend will feel
Threatened!

I’m sorry I thought this was how
We got to know one another or
To show that we care
Thinking about it
Almost made it worse; like apologizing

There was no way to confirm
That he was extraordinary
Until he was gone and then
People would say
Whatever they say, when you’re gone

It’s just extra lonely without
His true companion
That walked with him
Every morning weeks ago
And he ached from a time before
He knew that light to fill him
Was back ago and with everything
He had he also had nothing
Again once more

“Maybe I’ll stay,” he said
At least to have somewhere
I can retrieve the mail.”

Funding

There’s only ten thousand steps to climb
Simple as that until we reach the
New apartment we are redesigning
You can see through the floor
Currently there is a family that
Is trying to get their son into a
Good school but he keeps failing
A test that he needs to take
Over and over again and it’s not free
They’re encouraging him
But equally defeated and he is
So positive about the outcome
Saying he wants to take time
To know that he has all the
Information that he needs
To pass and to do it correctly
Mom smiles, her hair is purple
She looks up I look down
We make eye contact
How is this safe?
Our friend who owns a gas station
Said we can bring doughnuts
There to sell to make money
He provided us with our first
Two dozen and we only need
Ten thousand more dollars
Oh no I think it’s twenty thousand
Yes we need twenty thousand more
Dollars and so if we run really quickly
We could make it to the closest
Two doughnut bakeries and buy
The rest of them, bring them back here
Work all night and sell them
For double the price!
As the clock ticks on into
The damp darkness people
Will want doughnuts and we can
Charge more than the bakery
It doesn’t reopen again until the morning
Everyone can contribute money
Drive fast hurry before they close
And then maybe we will have enough
For his education but we have to go
NOW!

Dusted

I’m taking my shot back
At myself
At the stars feeling nudged
By the afterlife silently
Pushing pressing whispering go
Like a shout in my head
An electric shock to the brain
I can feel it in my bones
In the wheat beneath my feet
In the grains

Take your body back
And make it better than it was before
Take your mind back
And make it better than it was before
Take your soul back
And make it better than it was before

I remember you
Everything you did
You have to keep living
It’s all yours to have
On a path of loneliness
Or filled with a million friends
It’s all irrelevant
Just take yourself back
It’s all you have
Pulsating

The sun is rising in your heart again
The algorithm is setting in your hippocampus
Can you feel the rest of yourself rising
Taking every risk
A pillar of satisfaction
A fascinating stretch
A universal length

I’m not giving up on
This body {ANGEL}
This mind {DEVIL}
This soul {HUMAN}

A trilogy of stories
My muscles are telling
My fancy footwork is selling
A juggling act of kindness
And respect for humanity
Especially now when so many
People feel themselves
Falling part

Take yourself back
Pull the trigger
Shoot for the inner galaxy
Dusted diamonds

Mère de Misère

I don’t want you to be dark
I told her
I need you to be hopeful
There’s enough
Darkness in the world

Unreasonable wishes

She loves you with a
Broken heart
Even months in between
Next time a year

Is it a penny for your thoughts
What would it take to bring
The light out of your tunnels
Into my heart to welcome me
With yours

Life can be dark
But I don’t want that with her
I hear myself talking
And I know
I don’t have to say
A word

Greatness comes with
Her darkness because
Everything else
Is early

I know we know
Tension
We share blood
Even bad blood

It’s your time to be
Sustainable with me
Don’t talk about dogs getting kicked
And brothers getting bit

Somehow you make sad
Shamelessly sadder

There’s a space for that
Numbers work
The seasons pass
A comfortable pink
An optimistic sound with you

Nonexistent

It is impossible to trust
The darkness that keeps the faith
With you, a pyramidal parent

Delusional sibling
Resistance assured on my part
I bang my head out loud

Why did I call? Broken lines

Wisp

Healing power
Bird appeal
Acknowledgment of truth
What question deserves the answer
Existing in a better place
A hidden road from within
Two different parties
Meaning is unavailed to
Reveal an identity
Promise to give
Without contract
Any hypothesis can
Turn a key
Find the lock
Open the sincerity
Avoid the internet
If it’s torture
No matter how you do it
What does it matter
Heartache is a river
That runs through
A heightened aloneness
No name
No birthdate
Just ether

Clockwise

We want to get it right
That’s the most important part
We might break it
But don’t throw it away
When do we become sophisticated
If it’s done well it’s not done
To put a spotlight on you as a failure
Can’t a person be good at something?

Is the goal to be alone
It does feel as though the chance to be
Missed is a predilection that
May not be afforded when we’re alive
Do we have to die to be missed?

Write a letter to a loved one
And fill the empty space where
Something else belongs

What could a laugh mean
In its purest form
Heard overhead
Trapped in an echo chamber
Bouncing off the walls
Of the cerebrum

My tiny problems are
Masked by the anxiety of others
I don’t feel pain in that way
To walk fast or slow
Isn’t nearly as important
As the act itself

The cost of being here on earth
Roaming the planet without
The animals that loved us
The people that protected us
The plants that became carbon material

Can we absorb them into
Our ethos like stardust
Resulting in a symbol of their love
To resist the pain of loving those
That we still coexist with
On the planet that no longer care?

Alive but dead to us
No resurrection for the commonality

Reflector

It’s like throwing shit in a hole endlessly
To feel better about losing
Someone you love

Relearn the purpose
Spelunking for the duty
Treasure hunting for my anchor

Blood drains from the face
Toothache at the stale root
Sugar on my tongue
Someone cut my left arm off?

Midnight in the night
An inevitable glare
Of the floor staring back
Into your eyes inspecting
The color of your mind
And if you’re feeling thirsty

T’was only twice virtually
No figments of our bodies
Drifting away like kites
A rock or two to hold us down

It’s darker than usual
Really kind of horrid fragments
Playing with possibilities
Laying upside down in bed
Bamboo tapping at the window
Sounds like the dog getting up

Dried flowers in my
Great-grandmothers favorite book

Though it hurts, the everlastings still smell lovely

Teacher

She’ll just be tired when I call
Stop talking about death
He said mysteriously
Like a hornbill

I wanted to connect with her
No hope for the future
No possibility of conspiracy
Just a genuine chat
Comments, advice and greetings
It’s almost empty
She’s always coherent

What do you notice when someone shuts down
But the delivery shows the way forward
I’m on the verge of preponderance
No feedback left in the tank
I used most of it before I was born

I have so much I want to share
Nothing will be accepted
She has very few ears left
Too much rest and how
Can we compete with odds and ends

For the record, I wanted to be closer
Following the smoke when you wake up
Please read this knowing I would
Have been even a best friend
Perhaps better than a son
So many roles
I also got parent

It’s too late to be a mother
She had too many lives
Before he arrived

If you were a teacher
You were a preparator of so many things

You taught me to be strong
Isolation is not perfect
But somehow
Being alone is also possible
And peaceful

Once Upon a Time

There was a symbol of your love
Who woke me up in the trees
Just a few hours after you left me
I heard the birds
Outside, they called so many

I went to see what was going on
Sound and agitation
Unbelievably birds and more birds I lost count
In the bamboo and garden
Where we have spent so much time
With others

I feel it sincerely as a lighthouse
Or a notice to be confirmed
A phone call from you
By natures will
You know I miss you and
You’re here even if
You can’t be physically

I have stayed long in counting
One by one, I looked around to see
If something would attract traffic
Were there any seeds or bread or
Food scattered but nothing
They had all come of their own accord
With nothing to magnetize them

Except you

Incredibly, there must be
Sixty to a hundred, all different
Kinds of birds, blue jays and sparrows
Other voices I have not heard
I can’t distinguish exactly each
All together in a choir, I feel you

We have been living here
Almost fourteen years
On this property and we built
This garden and this space together
It was a reason to make it nice
Because of you and the purpose
That you gave me all the meaning
To wake up and go to work
At the grocery store, I experience
It here now; how did they know to come
On Christmas Day
A garden full of wild birds

As I walked away for an hour or two
Now later, they’re still there
The inexplicable, I turn off the TV
And I listen to their collective singing
To know that it’s you and that it’s true
You’re always with me while they
Continue to carry each voice
No matter the type, they all sing together

Inlay my body on the floor
Listen to the sound near the back door
The cold air flows over me in a bath of
Music that I will always remember
A moment as a visit and a miracle
I became aware
Forcing my body to be present
When I want to detach

We may not be available for our
Supernatural miraculous moments
Superstitious or others
If we do not listen and descale
I remember if the heart is closed
We are not open

It’s only one time
We only get one chance

ΦΙΛΟΣΟΦΙΑ

I forgot before I knew

I’m not shaped by what
Anyone else thinks about me
Do you agree?
Have you ever noticed how
People don’t listen when
They think they know
What you’re going to say?
Made me want to write a letter

It read: Dear So and So
I am not satisfied with
The way things turned out
But I still love you very much
Perhaps it’s not our destiny
To live together at this point
In our lives

Thank you for everything

I realized later it was a note to self
To feel like he left a message
For himself when he got there later
Individual realities to relate to the whole

In a philosophical dream I heard
A voice say:
We are more susceptible to the answer
When we are not confused by it’s question

We are more flexible in our response
To things when we illuminate the hard wiring

A green and yellow bird flew into the room
Fluent in Greek he said:

Being effected unconsciously
By those emotionally limits
The choice to consciously understand

His heart echoed back
“It is impractical to succeed
When we choose not to!”
Hanging on tightly to trees
Growing perpendicular
To the mountain
By allowing the choice
Not to is to be made
For us only by ourselves

The silence afterward
Could only be a lie
The hesitancy to react
Was his giant pink tongue
Licking the ground with
Wise salivation