poetry – Page 25 – Poétique

Validation

Someone to celebrate the wins with
Someone to celebrate the sins with ha!

Best I can do is to laugh with you
Give you the benefit of the doubt
That you will pay me back later
Expecting nothing in return

Meandering through belongings
Determining what’s important
Versus what has no value
I stumbled upon my vulnerability

It was unrecognizable
Ultimately because I grafted no surety
Upon its face or scent
As if I’d never seen it before
Everyone knows it’s there
Buy many are unaware of how
It exists

She said:

Dialectic
Inconsistency is destabilizing
Back and forth houses
Can extinguish
Cheerleaders praise
Feeling special or cherished
Feast or famine
What is the reality of this?
And the confusion of that?

Home
Didn’t provide that feeling of safety
It created a fault line {in me}

You know
Love languages are formed
By what you did or didn’t get
Everybody has that

Rely on yourself

To what degree do you feel comfortable
Giving yourself that validation

It’s a steep question
I’m not sure I know what validation
Means now

I’ll get back to you

Eclipse

As the dark became darker
The light became brighter

He will be bound to die griping
If he doesn’t check himself
Or maybe he wants that

I’m reminded of everything I have
Everything I don’t need
The story of an apple and a snake
Who takes the bait
Who’s left to blame

Or maybe everyone is pointing fingers

Stuck in a rut or ready to go
Just be nice, just be nice
It’s kind of endless
Where things can end up
Gravity is funny that way

I’ve got maybe another five decades
To get it right and seven if I’m lucky
It feels good to look forward to something
And solid to project so far away

I don’t mean to sound like a gink
But maybe all that time I wished
To spend with her wasn’t as
Important as I made it out to be
Orchestra of fantasies in my head

I thought I wanted to share it with
Someone anyway
Somewhere anyway

It wasn’t what I thought
A puzzled picture

Fragmented light

Bow

Affording the luxury of our feelings
Putting things in a storage unit

Forgetting time and moving
In out in out up down
I don’t call her
Because she’s too dark

It’s not a strength of personality clash
It’s the light that I’m seeking
Bright at the top of the hill
I can see it in the distance
Coming toward me
But away from you

I have a better chance
At witnessing the second coming

Now marks the time definitively
Without your sound
And the evidence of you
Is all around

Why does it have to be over?
It’s so final

My sad face
Looking a people in cars
Makes you wonder if they know

My body is getting quieter
This marks the beginning of a new era

And although I’ve cleaned up shop
Picked up the pieces
Collected my feathers

It still feels like
The top’s been ripped off

Me attempting to tie
A pretty bow on everything
Even darkness

Numbers

Longer numbers make you hurt more
Higher digits cause more pain

I guess it’s just a left with no choice thing
He said, “Like a river in all of us.”
Feelings or putting up with the day to day

Spider bites and champagne
None for me please

Anyways who’s counting
Seems like cold winter and a couch
Will baptize everything if there’s
Anything left to survive after
All the dealing bubbles to the surface

Every morning a coming of age
Every minute a question of haze
Lights that aren’t bright enough
And some that need to come down

Keep counting the days or
Just forget about them entirely
They’re bound to happen anyways
With or without us

Configuration

Sanding his thumbprints off
He said will you love me like
I’m going to die or love me all the way?

Two weeks walking without you
Is a long time to find yourself
In a way without

Now I’m remembering other things
Like broken people that I want to
Love still, but are gone

Escaping into a room with an old air conditioner
Cut into the wall unfinished
A private moment away from ears
That would make me feel bad for
Having conversations at the benefit of
Recognizing the beauty of others

Years and the swollen face of
Mangled emotions in her eyes
A former partner that thought
She could handle her jealously better
But still ended up feeling conquered
By it

My inability to confidently dissuade
What she inherited from someone
Or somewhere emotionally

I found someone at a gas station
I had forgotten that you loved
She loved you too it was magic
And mesmerizing

I hugged her like I had never
Known her in the presence of
Another I thought too might be
Jealous of my affection

Important reminders
Running away to rooms under construction
To have private back and forth’s
Where nothing diabolical was happening
I just didn’t want to defend myself

The game had also changed
Each visit was for different reasons
And now I was mapping out all the
Incredible things you did
And wondering how you
Made it to so many places

She said strawberry spritz
And I heard Boston but you never told me

We laughed and cried together
I was afraid to get too close but
I still didn’t fight the resistance
To try playfully

Another cry

I suppose if people can’t control
Their feelings around caring for others
Their brother can help them work it out
Non intrusive thoughts about
My well being

And then tearing away at the fun

Laying in bed
Wondering how I was going to sell everything
That’s what my mind says
Even if it didn’t need to go anywhere
Or make any money
The feeling of being freed
From the weight of it
Was like opening portals
To deeper understandings

Vacancy

I thought I wanted to give up
But then I realized the mail
Would have nowhere to go
Climbing overhead into the upstairs
Attic I peeked into a small
Opening and saw a place
That I remembered hanging
Out in with all of my favorite things

Part of me didn’t want to leave
And part of me felt like I was
Just ordinary as if the things
That made me special were
The same as everyone else
And there was no one to tell him
Any different

I remember holding my cat and
Crying like this once before
Sixteen years ago and still
A feeling of being alone
Except this time it was because
I had everything he needed
Or wanted but still felt unseen

Buying gifts for people one barely knows
How silly who’s doing that?
Someone’s husband is going to
Want to wrangle you to the ground
Someone’s girlfriend will feel
Threatened!

I’m sorry I thought this was how
We got to know one another or
To show that we care
Thinking about it
Almost made it worse; like apologizing

There was no way to confirm
That he was extraordinary
Until he was gone and then
People would say
Whatever they say, when you’re gone

It’s just extra lonely without
His true companion
That walked with him
Every morning weeks ago
And he ached from a time before
He knew that light to fill him
Was back ago and with everything
He had he also had nothing
Again once more

“Maybe I’ll stay,” he said
At least to have somewhere
I can retrieve the mail.”

Bonus

Big dogs furry mongrels
Gargantuan if you will
Mountain
All together with two new people
And one other like a mother
Or a grandmother
She always was
Also from Palo Alto
I don’t know that place
But she talked a lot about it
I think they’ll make nice friends
But initially the contact
Made her tremble
Which was unexpected
They should be friends
And when I introduced them properly
They were
She communicated clearly
That she wanted to meet new people
Even though she missed
Her new friends’ hug by an inch

If everyone is checked in
I think I’ll step away
I have some painting to do
Black white brown yellow red
But the highlight was purple
When that color hit the sheet
Of the canvas it was what made it
Come to life

I knew the direction I was painting things
Seemed inconsistent with the
Overall ending but they didn’t have to
Zero up in the same place or
Any certain way

I decided to cut the sheet in half
My prerogative was showing
And my friend that accompanied me
Was also delighted to see
How many different ways
It would all be interpreted

In the next room I saw the
Neighboring business owner
Make amends with opening his shop
A cigarette and five minutes to spare
That was comforting
What wasn’t, meant the three
Friends that had accompanied me here
Would need babysitting
Eternally hosting
To make sure everyone
Was settled into one another

We had six months or so to do it
But I was going to get it done
In the next six minutes

Picking out colors was his specialty
Painting them on things
{including people}
Was the best part
If the whole thing
Had to come down to
Responsibility

Firehouse

She was the second person to accuse
Me of burning a house down
Just trying to be nice
Humble offerings
A touch of magic and
Suddenly the columns of
My temple were falling down!

Seen out of the corner of someone’s eye
Later reported almost by the bees
Mostly by the news but then they left too
I think we must have known
Each other in high school
Or maybe she just felt bad for me
In a way that my friends forgot how to
Because she knew I meant well
Because my face said it all

Because
Because

There was something genuine
And beautiful about my innocence
Or was it his if I am in fact a third person

Swift kindness and
Obliterated determination
To hold onto just one thing
One more column and then
It started to break
Open or did it close off?

It didn’t matter because again
It was changing and the
Most majestically gorgeous
Elements always do

Even when we lose everything
We gain the first time to have
Nothing again back

No need for a new wagon
Even flint can be used
To reignite the need for desire

Perhaps a sandy desert
Or a cricket in South Africa
Would be able to love him for his fire

Maybe it was a friend or a mother

Daffodils

Someone is writing a poem about him
Unbeknownst to his psyche
He skipped one day
Thinking it would be okay
And yet he still trembled
And returned quickly the next
Offering from the light returned
I can’t see walking around
In circles a hindrance
In a sad vacuum at the loss of you

Loud murder kaws overhead
But the beat of rejuvenation is
Heard instead and the barking
Of creatures some days are
Harder than others
Acceptance coiled up
With defeat into an ornately
Knitted spleen
Liberation in extremity
{internal art}

Reflective pools of nothing
Even Narcisse the child of nymphs
Looks away from the mirrored pond
Unrequited unreturned to the self
Not for others what of this!?
Hidden antithesis but a lonely
Strut into the forest of others’
Swampy feelings to be loved
So many someone’s that he forgot
{to love himself}

A workhorse bred
Stallion thread
For hesitation
Ready for the race
Perhaps the dark horse
In him will finally come to
Bare the regal gift of
Love upon himself
Or die in hilarity
Though the daffodils
{look lovely today}

Wisp

Healing power
Bird appeal
Acknowledgment of truth
What question deserves the answer
Existing in a better place
A hidden road from within
Two different parties
Meaning is unavailed to
Reveal an identity
Promise to give
Without contract
Any hypothesis can
Turn a key
Find the lock
Open the sincerity
Avoid the internet
If it’s torture
No matter how you do it
What does it matter
Heartache is a river
That runs through
A heightened aloneness
No name
No birthdate
Just ether