poetry – Page 56 – Poétique

Fountainhead

Everything can grow old
Even our desires
Tears and exclamations
That’s what’s ridiculous about
Language, trying to explain it
Tired and ashamed
Of my human incapacities
Every day and every breath
Breaking the cycle
For what has been done
Unto me
I am re-loved
Even when I feel unlovable
Understanding shines on me
With a grace for which
I feel undeserving
Buried alive in self doubt
I speak to my body
I cling to thee
Like a crippled leaf
On a half broken tree
With concrete resilience
Jesus, Guadalupe, Green Tara
Mother of all beings
Someone please save me

What If’s

Don’t live with the what if’s
I tell myself
Even if they make me
Want to slur
All my words with a
Love drunk tongue
Towards the end I was
Mostly drinking to sleep
Afraid to wake up to myself
With you or alone
Until my compass could direct me
To someone who
Would make me feel good
It was a necessary disaster
Erupting to happen what if
Even at the cost of being empty
Even when I didn’t
Know how much lava
Was left in the volcano
You are my mystery to solve what if
You tell me what I share
With you is beautiful
Even if I believe it’s mediocre
Turning over my earth
I have my eyes on you confidently
Wherever you’re hiding I’m ready
Two bastards cut away
At my vulnerabilities yesterday
It feels like boxing at the truth
Waking up today a reason to fight
Sitting on top of the moon
I have to give my heart a chance
Even if it breaks for you- no what ifs

As a Woman

If I came back as a woman
Would you love me
Would you want me
Do women that live here now
Have a better chance than I
If I came back as one
Would you notice me
Would you want to be
Close to me
Like I want to be close
To you now
Maybe I’m being too vague
Not enough likes
Not looking for likes
Looking for love
As a man

Trying

Rapscallion
It’s too bad
She stepped
Between us
Wrong partner
Right effort
Many efforts
Dancing with
Yellow hair
Every color
Every shade of love
Every altitude
Up against the world
And our own
Personal Ursula
Keys to our
Own hearts
Swallowed by
An unexpected
Attractive and
Mysterious gate keeper
Traveled a long way
To get here
Through old friendships
And new experiences
Different titles
Different roles
Every possible
Star in the sky
Has looked down
Upon our eyes
And witnessed
Our possibilities
Thank you for
Fighting and
Thank you for
Trying

Too Wild

Divine intervention
If you were able to see your
Future self would you
Be pleased of what you saw
Or would you try to pull back
From where you are now to
Better your outcome
Fear of admitting fault
Is commonplace these days
People in general seem miserable
Is there a place where
Anyone is happy on earth
People are happy to hear
From you but unlikely to
Reach out on their own
My imagination is
Running too wild
With the possibility
I saw a girl with long hair
Walking, looking down
At her phone and smiling
She’s happy in her
Own little world
But this is not some place
You can buy a ticket to

Lies

Lips lies lots of lies
Rumors just to hide
The actual truth not really
What you thought it was
Funny changes making
Truth appear beneath
Your lips lies lots of lies
Borderline personality
Cries needs more attention
Thought she could say
So many things that
Weren’t actually true
Good for you but
No reward because
The truth will come out
In the end and soon
Really soon so hurry up
If you plan to enjoy
Your false sense of hope
Your dreams of being
The victim of a crime
The queen of dope
That never existed
You’re on your way
To pure demise when
They all find out
About your lies
Hanging yourself
Lots of lies and lips
Are blue with rumors
Just to hide the truth
That you never wanted him
He was just a way to get
To another place to another
Guy to another state
To another country
Where it all ends up
In the same way that
It started built on lies
Ends in lies
Prettier flowers
When you tell the truth
Roses for honesty
No need to pretend
No roses for you
Telling stories
Try to remember
Your fairytales
If it’s not a lie
It’s already true
If you tell the story
That actually happened
Your memory is
Happily ever after

Autopilot Sentiments

On autopilot
Looking for a place
Where I could be
Emptying out
My emotions
So many feelings
Emoting in a
Drought of activity
So many memories
Rushing about
I saw your picture
Hanging on my wall
I forgot it was
Hanging there at all
You used to remind me
Of the things
I wished in time
Would truly never end
Where does time go
Nights upon nights spent
Braiding down your hair
8 more months
And Christmas will be here
I’m the only one
Who ever touched your hair
As much as I did and so
Remember do you remember
On autopilot over here
Looking for a place
Where I could be
Emptying out
My sympathies
Sentiments all spilled out
Onto the floor
Circle of affections
Curled up
Into a ball
I could never get to that
Place again like we were before
And still Christmas
Will be here in 8 months or so
And I still remember braiding
Down your hair from years before

Good Stuff

Sometimes life is
Like a bad movie
A headache in the making
Heartbeat
Fast asleep
Dreams of singing cover
Songs in Czechoslovakian
Stop breathe
Wait and see
Climb into the loft
With me
Hang out in a memory
An end to winter
Walking barefoot
Under the stairs
I remember nights
Like that only
It wasn’t just about
Meaningless stuff
Most of it was good

Somewhere Else

Self destructive need
To defy authorities
Probably won’t choke out
The fact that you don’t care
Doesn’t matter anyway
Remember the conversation
We had about being too much
Keeping up with the
Usual opportunities
It’s nice to know we can
Live to jump again
Close encounters
With the potential
Suspects for clinical
Undermining are not
Only a matter of public
Concerns but a fact
Which has been disrupted
Even a bottle tossed
Into the sea
Cannot answer
Is the back and forth
Deserving of a dose or two
Would Thorazine
Cure the symptom
Or just cause more frequent
Tongue thrusting in the end?
If the gods of transportation
Could be kind enough
To provide an exit route
Then I suppose
There are worse things
Than being crazy
Somewhere else

Someone Again

Eating soup eating soup
Nothing left broken teeth
Underneath nothing left
Still we cover up the crime
In the clink of our endgame
Inside the body arrived
Black web of deception
What is easy, what is hard?
One step at a time
Ringside we decide
One step at a time
Maybe the Bahamas
Maybe Greece
Or Copenhagen
Old old young
Someone again
Wake up one day
Old old young
Light eyes dark eyes
Circles and lies
Friendship cries
I remember you
Invincible
People try to warn you
A little bit short
On the remaining balance
A trip to Mexico go, go
Cheaper there
Go because we’re not
Getting any younger
Go because you want
To live fifty years longer
Be someone again
Go because you’re
Gonna wanna kiss
Someone again