Du Paradis

Worst case scenario consultant
Benumbed by the current
Icy reactions to a loneliness
That sitting in the back row
Can only bring though in
All the blue hills and
There aren’t any pills that
Can erase all the pain
Or the absence that the
Tanzanian sunset would bring
To the Great Plains if
The lions look to the heavens
And see no light
No celestial pink and orange
Again the same is true
When my heart lies lifeless
On the other side of a banging
Door and the shaking core
Of empty rattling left in shivers
After what’s wasted to tear away
From me in tender cries
As the color dries on the canvas
Of my forehead painted
Like the memory
Of paradise

© GÄ

Pomme

Bad taste in humanity
Might get better at picking
The orchard has been dry
A bit rotten in some places
The worms are happy
A need for riper choices
More delicious comrades
I had a taste of an apple
It gave me hope and
A lot of advice it was
Very wealthy and wise in
It’s perfectly red skin
And then I had a bite
Knowledge and juice
Running down the sides
Of my hunger for meaning
Mouth that was eager to
Take more bites and
Save the seeds so that I
Could grow more trees
And eat more apples
Just like it and for years
I would eat from this valley
Until the fruit was gone
Time to find another
The grass is wet
Beneath my feet the soil
Is crawling with fertile
Imagination and the sun
Woke me up last night
In my dreams talking about
How the rest of the earth
Has yet to be discovered

© GÄ

Happy Laundry

The laundry makes her happy
Just sitting waiting to be done
Next to her love and the boy
Folding one by one
Who is now the man observing
This simpler world of life
Drums are spinning
Clothes are churning
In the background
Of his mind unforgettable
Hard echos of his mother
Saying reprehensible things
About rape and drugs
Why can’t life be happy
Instead of dark and grimy
Like sharing dirty laundry
Wanting life to be more simple
Is like folding happy laundry

© GÄ

Not the Same

Conjecture
Why doesn’t it feel like love
Not the same as making way
For someone whom you love
I’m stuck asking for
Too much and speaking of
Not enough love
Not much room left on this turf
Problematics 101
Maybe the job is done
Even for a best friend
It’s not the first time
I have felt this way
It’s not the first time
A friend has had to say
Goodbye
Able to be there
Why would I chase a friend
If they love you
They are there no matter what
You feel secure they recite that
If I ever felt that I was in your way
Taking up space
Rewrite that the dismay
Yes it’s unbelievable how
Someone can simply not know you
Understand you
See your blank space
Avoid you and your heart space
Even when you tell them
Everything
I have been fighting for
Your attention for twenty years
Of my life
I don’t have it in me
Anymore
The teeth of my life are falling out
I can feel myself deteriorating
I can feel my heart
Slowing down
I’ll get a few things
In order let the clock go ‘round
Guarding leftover happiness
Ugly things
That are bothering me
Move them
Out of the way
Before I truly know
How bad everything
Presumably is
Before it all spills out
Before it all falls apart

© GÄ

Decoding a Dream

If you have survived grief
Then you have learned
How to exist within a nightmare
If life is an inconvenience
If it doesn’t fit into your
Picture perfect frame
(Except for where you
disconcertingly find room)
Then it’s clear that
You already know that nightmares
Can come true

A dream can become a
Flailed fantasy but can a
Nightmare become a dream?
Snow hangs above me
Resting on my brow
The sun is traveling sideways
Rather than up or down
Just as Kiribati floats
Along the equator
My heart sinks with the
Rising of the moon
No holiday exists yet
To celebrate or forget it
If a candle burns
No one knows who lit it
When you finally opened
My eyes decoding the dream
I thought to be a nightmare
It was still only a dream

© GÄ

Floating Away

Am I a spitting image
Someone who absorbed
Everything about you
Standing outside of myself
Observing from above
Detached I see so many
Aspects that mirror the pond
Of your reflection something
Like northern lights bouncing
Back at me or reminding me
That there is already
Salt in my blood
I will stand barefoot in myself
Withholding prejudice
Just a little reminder
That I am still myself and
That I also come from
Someone who gave me a lot
Even if they cannot show up
In the way I have elevated
Ground me keep me on
This earth because
I can feel myself
Floating away

© GÄ

Let the Bird

That’s enough for now
Let the bird return home
All the i’s have been dotted
All the t’s have been crossed
All the calls have been made
And the fridge is full
Let the bird fly back home
Return to the nest
After all the rest has been done
No bottles left to swig
No attorneys left to bridge
All the expectations have been
Settled now we’re through
Satisfied the bird still flies
And finds a way back home
Settled once here across the world
Off to Munich and back we go
Let the bird return home
To enjoy the fruits
Frozen berries fresh alike
Every kind we are all so
Fulfilled to know the heart’s
No longer lonely
When it returns home to itself
No more waiting to be told
And what the tree shall soon behold
All the riches of the traveling
Weary wings to rest again
That’s enough for now
Let the bird return home

© GÄ

Housemaid

I’m only a housemaid
Available to you
Whenever you want
You fulfill all your needs
And desires throughout your
World elsewhere and I
Fill in the blanks
I’m a blank
A general spot for you to
Pat on the head
There there
One line answers
Mediocre responses
I’ve tried everything I know
There’s no tiger milk that
Can suss out anything different
Than what I’ve already
Found hanging upside down
In a regular jungle of my
Own feelings nothing really
More to say sitting at a
Table for one with elegant
Fingers and casual smiles
Craving a new friend for the evening
Would be more delightful than
Hoping an old friend could
Actually read me and understand
My feelings after all these years
After all these feelings
Less feelings, less tears
Low light and the fondness
Reflecting in a strangers eyes
Stargazing across the table
A little less sad
A little less dramatic
A little less like a housemaid

© GÄ

Mercenary

What people forget is
How we can love deeply
Without sex and in that love
Can be deeper than the
Love you have with someone
You have had sex with
Why is it so important
For you to know that depth
Like a soldier of fortune
Why does it matter to me
So much to have you
Know just how deeply
I can love a person
How much I love
What difference will it make
In my life if I believe you
Understand how deeply I love
It’s indescribable for me to
Know that someone knows
And I believe that you are
Actually capable of understanding
Likewise you may have
Some other
Knowledge or perspective
On this that
I do not
As a
Soldier with a mission for love
I’m grasping at the straws
Of my youth wanting to
Share it with you so you can live
Through the music loving it too
Wishing you could feel it
In the same way I do
Sharing deeply
In my utmost honesty I will probably
Never know if you actually comprehend
How much I love you
You say it’s not for me to know
But the truth is that
I can never know
If you have received the absolute
Depths of my love
With ability
In the way I intended
Inadvertently
I can only hope
That you do

© GÄ

It

Unworthy light
Symbolic roses skipping
Thorns in my teeth
Bragging rights
Blood on my lips
Six more steps until
The sky comes crashing down
On a plateau
Upon my chest
Darkness expands into
A matter of absent stars
Everything else is yellowed
By the sun and my lungs
Become one breath
For you to breathe
Take it or leave

© GÄ