Geinos Äotsch

Questioning

Destined for emptiness
Single bird on a wire singing
Out into the abyss wondering
If there really is any hope
For love

Intimacy craving to be
Close to me in waves and still
Afraid to share that part of me
Knowing that any moment
Of if I do it could be
Pulled away

Another chance to try is
Another chance to say goodbye
Like mourning the living we
Dive in get close feel things and
Then it’s gone again
Where lies the hope therein?

Compulsive behavior towards
A dream of meaning filled
Emotional weaving in
The stars between our hands
Holding a universal cause for
Sentient being in worshipping
Love possibly

Haunted later by a spell
Of wondering again if there is anything
Left a story to write a history
To build a narrative to tell
Is it all for nothing?

An only way to find out
A path of not knowing
Stab in the dark to
Open the light
With you

Wheedle

Now is a good time
To formulate dreams
Of a better world

Sleuthing through the gates
Of everyday existence
I feel this immense amount
Of pressure to follow through
With what I said I’m going to do
Changes are being made to us
Beyond our control

Guileless was my spirit
Even though she was so unholy
In some ways still
It brought out my best sides

I feel the sticky
Coming unstuck
Like the marshmallow of life
A past that holds on
Ungluing itself

What pleasure
What deliciousness
How the past can take flight

Psychic dreams
Fireside murmurings

Levity

I feel music come through me
It’s the spirit of a thing
Where does it come from
Is it a gift from a past life
I learned to love you
In a different way

Are we ostensible to one another
When people die we don’t realize
Just how much we’ll miss them
Redolent alacrity

Perhaps a cursory
Or a glance at other intentions
Blue water glistening with
Reflective light and reeds

A mother to read your words
To understand you
Take some pride
In a gift of letters

Little energy left
In a world existing
Inside of tragedy

Appreciation like a
Bowl of steaming rice
On a famished day

Hungry and full

Désemparé

It felt like a test
As if she was waiting
For me to react to see
If how she behaved
Was still worthy of my love

She knew better
But she pretended not to
Or at least it looked like
She was pretending
Maybe she wasn’t
Playing dumb

Bodily strength was
Held onto by some
Mental grasp for reality
That lost hold of
Everything else

Crying for what was no longer
Yearning for separation
To finally embrace peace

To say goodbye is not enough
Leftover plates full of pain
And sanity is everything
To gain

I remember wanting this
Planning a trip to Egypt
And falling short of all fear
Of expecting to hide in a tomb
If she brought her behaviors with her

For what is missed is what
Was wanted

For what is kissed is what
Is goodbye

Also good luck is bad luck
Solitary confinement
Played out by what is
No longer needed

When all you wanted
Was to be needed

And he moves through his life
As he is free and he is chained
And he is free again

Better than he was before
But later than earlier

And now present fusion
Scratching at tomorrow

We are so much life
We can live again
The way we were before
As we are now

Before he was distraught

Exfoliation

Eidetic flashbacks of
Running away from her
Every attempt to slough
Her off of my skin
Like exfoliation

The closer we got
The further away I wanted to be

Is it detest?
J’ai détesté du la mémoire
Wanting love and finding
Darkness oblique
No warning
For direction

Where is it coming from
Can’t put it out

I fought to get away
It gave me strength
It made us both
Naked and courageous

Almost dying from the pain
Drinking to sustain
Because I was at war
There was so much more to gain

I do not run from myself
I do not fight to crawl
Out of my own skin

Give me peace or
Give me death
Pushed to the limit

Therein I found a passageway
A holiday to discover
How to fight for
The same things
For myself

When I was trying to get away from
What I was becoming with you

Collaborate

What if I care less
Collaborate with myself
To feel less love
Extinguish some of the passion

A time to say
Goodbye for now
Make love to an alien
Some other world
Is calling to
My creature

I can dance
A million times alone
But then to lay here
In your arms would be
Lonelier

Recollection to
Falling off of a cliff
In my dream
Soaring down
I check to see if
My teeth are
Still intact
Before we
Hit the ground

My memories of you
And I that is

A collaboration

Bring your evil
Bring your dark
Let me put you to sleep
With my harp
Soothe your sorrow
Pet your pain
Let my rhythm of love
Sustain you
In your slumber
In the deep
In the nightmares
Of your dreams
In the catatonic screams
Let me tell your
Heartbeat how to
Calm itself
Nothing to raise fists at
Hands resting
At your head
Through the song that
I would play
To melt the acid
Anguish of hate
Quiet your nerves
Bring your disdain
Enrage it upon me
I can swallow it away
There is no level
Of darkness
That I cannot usher out
I am your exorcist
Your noble love
Thumb across your lips
Arms up above
Cupping the demons
I can drain from
What has followed
You home now
Rest your head
Bring your evil
Bring your dark
Let me put you to sleep
With my harp

Embrasé

Capitulating under a sun of
Darkness in utter blithe
Yellow couch to work it out
Dreaming of a cigarette
To make it all go away
My version of crazy
Too many songs
Sung by Amy
Over and over
As a big glass of
Winehouse should be shared
A little therapy and
Chocolates with liqueur
What better way to
Come down off the mountain
Sometimes they’re
Too smart for their own good
I could say at the very least
My awareness is
Overshadowing
A childhood
I’m still trying to understand
And so are they
An undertaking
A catastrophe
In the making
With a pale orange glow
Waiting at the end of a flame
Behind the door that
Has all the answers and
Evidence of ghosts

Adaptateur

Who am I without you
Ceremony is so powerful
Stroke concierge to
Adopt my heart

Kill myself inadvertently
So much pressure
Greece first

What if I just live
Like I’m going to
Crash and burn
But then don’t !

Maybe I’m not a good loser
Pink Jasmine trained
On wires to make the
Most dynamic patterns

Arrangements floral
Minus the bitterness
More reasons to fight
To be alive

Radiant reasons
To die

Device impressions
Stenciled markings
On a historic heart
Sage me

Blue foresight
Push to defend
Playbook to guide the
Centuries

Compassion is bleeding
Wealthy hearts are
Lurking

Witchcraft

What’s the difference between
Dark green and light green
Why does every moment
Feel like we’re running out of time?
The sense of urgency is reeling
I lost the hold I didn’t know I had

Would someone eviscerate me
Please let’s be compendious
About the order of things

A long drawn out conversation
Arriving at the conclusion
Of a lot of things I never said
And that you never knew
That the decisions I made
We’re influenced by her
How uncouth

They were mine to make after all
But I never thought it would be
Rather, I would be, left with neither
One of you although you did it
Before wayfaring

This time I played along
Got caught in the game
Trying to save myself
And lost again

Too many dynamics
Too much sexual confusion
An ego intrusion

Maybe I should be proud
But it still takes awhile
To move on and move out
From years of being in
A friendship turned
Relationship turned
Nothingship

I feel like I was tricked

Author: Geinos Äotsch