Fault

It still feels like
It’s my fault
There’s no coming back
From the loss of a loved one
Just moving forward
Sitting at the edge
Of my bed
Not in any way
Purposely thinking back
A trigger a shot
There you are
Something climbs into
My head to remind me
Of the things that we did
When we were kids
Was it something I touched?
I can’t remember what
Tripped it but the sound
Of your memory
The echo of your
Presence rang
Throughout me and I
Felt guilty again
In the web of my feelings
I was caught
It still feels like my fault
That you’re not here
Even though you
Are your own person
Your own being
I felt like your keeper
Like I failed at attempts
To protect you
Always thinking
There was one more thing
I could’ve done to
Retrieve you
From yourself
I miss you

© GÄ

Go

Plunge it in deep
So you can feel
How hard
You hurt me
It hurts
She hurt me
Love and let go
Curtsy after the show
A faithful friend
Wake up from a nap
Feel like I’ve been
Zapped as if
Something has died
I can’t remember
If I cried
My pride or
My hunger for life
Is it still here
I’m unsure what the
Words are to find
Look for joy
Don’t let friends
From the past
Destroy or
Rip away from you
The perfect choice
To move forward
With yourself
The key to
Believe in the
Future of
What possibilities
Are in store are
Awaiting you
In the wild or
On the dance floor
Missed kissed
Who knew that
My love
Could be resisted
There’s nothing
Left to recoil
Freed from the chains
The locks of pain
Floating away
Into the distance
Free to go

© GÄ

Appellation

I feel it deep
Inside my chest
Rummaging through
My anatomical toolbox
I found the rest
Central to my rib cage
So many parts
Around the gears
The joints the
Points connecting
Intertwining veins a
Warehouse for tears
Working churning
A memory factory
For feelings and
Blood red discerning
Volatile burnings
Swollen emotional
Dealings with time
And solace yearning
Tu me manques
Pressed into the clock
Back against the wall
Standing straight and
Tall like Big Ben
I found your name
On a piece of paper
Crumpled up
Tossed down my throat
I supposed like a well
Excited to tell or remember
To unfold it the ink
Was glowing there
Visible and dispelled
Feel at rest again
Heavy breathing
Then upon my chest
Your moniker stood
Living within my body’s
Domain imprinted
Safely until you arrive

© GÄ

52 Pickup

Throw ‘em up in the air
See where it falls down
Throw me up in the air
See where I fall down
Toss the cards into the sky
How does it all play out
Let the cards fall
Where they may
Close to your chest
Or far far away
Does chaos seek direction?
Why do we know
What the better thing
To do is and then
End up going in the
Opposite direction
Like 52 pickup
Cards in the air
See where they land
If your brain knows
How to follow the hand
Why backwards
Or just because to be fair
Same random
Possibility is torn
When the answer
Is so clear
Internal warfare
I don’t have the energy
To play a round of
Who’s got it worse
With you

Throw ‘em up in the air
See where it falls down
Last one home
Is a rotten egg
I’ll follow my gut
Skip the fight nor to drown
With my head

© GÄ

Want Ads

Looking to cry over
Somebody new
Looking to feel my
Heart beat out of my chest
Somebody new
Looking to feel the flutters
Coursing through my veins
Somebody new
Looking to protect you
From spiders and mice
Looking to hold you
When nothing feels right
Somebody new to
Comfort in the night
Someone to get my hopes up
For even if it means
You can’t be there all the time
Whatever you want to do
I can make plans too
Somebody new to
Make out with buy gifts and
Splurge on trips and shit
Missing a time for us
To embrace you when you’re down
Missing a time for us to laugh
When there’s no fun to be found
Somebody new to
Text with and wait for
Your response
Somebody new to
Look forward to
Seeing on the weekends
Hanging with some evenings
You can have your life
Keep what makes you happy
Somebody new to add to you
Get on with the grafting
My heart is giant
My love is big
The season’s changing
So make a wish
If you’re looking for somebody
To protect you and pull through
Here’s my number
Call or text me anytime
I’m looking for you too

© GÄ

Drugs

Your aspirations were so slow
Barely driven but to be fair
Generally most people
Are completely unaware
Growing up I wondered am I
The only one who noticed this
I needed your help, I felt your love
Keeping me alive goes without
Saying but anything more is extra
What could cause someone
To want more for their child
Than the bare minimum
Does the mission to have them
Grow up to become what they
Will as the best versions
Of their little selves whom you
Created full of possibilities
Fall short when you want so
Very little for yourself or for
Them as well… we didn’t need
Celebrity but we certainly
Could have done better than
What we did believe me
I have so much more to give
So as an adult I continue to
Work toward the best thing I
Could possibly be with the
Limited time that I have and
We would have had so much more
If your desire to see me succeed
Was part of the plan to believe
In my capabilities as an artist
As a potential human
Would eventually become
With your encouragement
We could have had
More than we did
If you wanted more than
The way you chose to live
Like drugs

© GÄ

Overcoming

When I think of homelessness
I think of all the people that
Would be willing to contribute
To this godforsaken mess
We call a civilized society
It makes complete and
Total sense why
There are so many that
Choose not to contribute
Sit in the street and cry, get high
Because of our broken system
In all the effort that it takes
In what capacity we have to
Show up every day and then
They tax the masses ask for
Part of what you make
Force you to report it and
Charge you if you’re late
Even simple mistakes get a fine
Like honestly forgetting to
Fill in a line or include a sheet
Why would anyone want to
Sign up for that? Follow the rules
We make it so hard for
Those of us that want to
Stay alive that it’s actually
Easier to give up or take
From the government than it is
To be an actual standup
Go to work person
It’s no wonder people that
Talk against it get thrown
Into prison or threatened
Why I choose to be in it
Is still a mystery to me
Many days I think of
Exiting the program that
Requires inhumane boxes
To be ticked a system
That was created to make
A whole nation sick
Give us money for insurance
Give us money for health
Give us money for traffic
Tickets for what? Getting to work
Fines for an acceptable number
Made up by some jerk
That is 5 miles per hour
Higher or less depending on
How we justified this and
There’s a system in place
If you don’t play a long
And they’re determined
To get you because
They’re right and you’re wrong
It’s no surprise any longer
Why people linger and wander
Outside looking for help
We have a backwards way
Of claiming to be good
A disjointed incoherent cast of
Regulations and perpetrations
To disgust someone to the point
Of no returning to assist with
Fulfilling such a broken system
In an attempt to move
Assiduously along
It’s reprehensible and gross
We’ll give you more money
If you have more kids
If you put yourself in debt
With a house you’ll benefit!
This is the constant battle
To which I hear the drumming
A life that seeks the joy
Of overcoming

© GÄ

Differently

Don’t let them kill you, fight like hell
I am just as scared as all the others,
What could one become if only to
Want for a cage we can never leave
Separate from it all, in a broken air
I have a hopeless wish of forgetting
Everything I know in the landscape of life
A deep and long yawn of exhaustion
Tremors of the future shake my skull
I am like a monarch with one wing
Sometimes as capable as a crustacean
Regenerating my limbs that feel
In some way found bioelectrically

My heart wakes up differently
Every morning the rhythm is the same
The contents redissipate
Many different shapes are awakened
The home to a bajillion
Promises of better tomorrows
Ripping the gut to shreds
Hunger for existence is persistent
Like a ship docking somewhere
It has never been before
The mysterious waters below
Are full of answers to the questions
Of a rising tide that wants more
Passion and yearns for acceptance
While every sense is heightened
A resurgence of the almost extinct
Will to grow again begs to be held

© GÄ

Weeks

It’s not my intent
To leave you
Hopelessly cornered
But to remind you
Of the friend
You haven’t been
The world around us
Is constantly changing
But we can stay the same
There are many more
Years to come
I am not the one
To be left in the dust
I am not the one
To live on broken trust
You are not the one
To go above and beyond
You have not been singing
Our usual song
One thing matters
When another thing doesn’t
People come and go
Life begins to make sense
We learn how to
Go the distance
After we’ve grown
Older than our legs
Know how to take us
Many trials will
Try to break us
What we have no control
Of is the least worrisome
Of all if we
Are here in ways
For one another that we
We know somehow
To be but if we cannot
Then we have chosen
A different route
We only have
Four thousand weeks

© GÄ

Unnamed

There’s a lot of tension
Between the both of us
I thrive best when I know
There’s a way out
Locating the other side
Swallowing my pride
I found a portal out of the
Best part of a jungle
Past the heliconias
Stepping over the sundew
Under the waterfall
And into a freedom from
Codependent claws
Seeking to tattoo
My body with lifelong
Tiger claw marks
Projecting to make me feel
Like I can’t do it myself
As if there is no one else
That my success was
Solely reliant on your
Presence but my sword
Was sharpened
Machete ready to cut
Through the nonsense
The size of a tropical storm
From this a new dawn
Was born a plant to seed
Collecting rainwater
Nurturing the soil
Pitching a tent to
Protect myself from a
Grave danger I regarded as the
Passion grew more powerful
Too the intensity of life
Truly bloomed into
The most beautiful flower
Still yet unnamed

© GÄ