Clockwise

We want to get it right
That’s the most important part
We might break it
But don’t throw it away
When do we become sophisticated
If it’s done well it’s not done
To put a spotlight on you as a failure
Can’t a person be good at something?

Is the goal to be alone
It does feel as though the chance to be
Missed is a predilection that
May not be afforded when we’re alive
Do we have to die to be missed?

Write a letter to a loved one
And fill the empty space where
Something else belongs

What could a laugh mean
In its purest form
Heard overhead
Trapped in an echo chamber
Bouncing off the walls
Of the cerebrum

My tiny problems are
Masked by the anxiety of others
I don’t feel pain in that way
To walk fast or slow
Isn’t nearly as important
As the act itself

The cost of being here on earth
Roaming the planet without
The animals that loved us
The people that protected us
The plants that became carbon material

Can we absorb them into
Our ethos like stardust
Resulting in a symbol of their love
To resist the pain of loving those
That we still coexist with
On the planet that no longer care?

Alive but dead to us
No resurrection for the commonality

© GÄ

Hibiscus

They resent you for surviving
Wish that you would fail
Hate that you love life
Despise that you avail

They resent that you are happy
Their misery wants you to fall
They only love you when you’re crawling
When your back’s against a wall

I could have been your opportunity
Nothing can make you feel any different
When you feel the way you do
Fake money fake car fake feelings
Just to be how you are
Sometimes you fake it

How raw

I can’t feel myself
I can’t feel myself
I can’t feel myself

You were so unafraid
When people acted this way
I need a balcony
My turn signals are broken
Pull me over
Drag me out

Into the street
Into the street
Into the street

I need a Bollywood dance
A medical cream
A high stakes bet
That my life is worth living

Why did she resent me
You loved me unconditionally
Why does she highlight my dark spots
You licked my wounds

Some people actually thrive
When we’re down

Paddle out

© GÄ

Reflector

It’s like throwing shit in a hole endlessly
To feel better about losing
Someone you love

Relearn the purpose
Spelunking for the duty
Treasure hunting for my anchor

Blood drains from the face
Toothache at the stale root
Sugar on my tongue
Someone cut my left arm off?

Midnight in the night
An inevitable glare
Of the floor staring back
Into your eyes inspecting
The color of your mind
And if you’re feeling thirsty

T’was only twice virtually
No figments of our bodies
Drifting away like kites
A rock or two to hold us down

It’s darker than usual
Really kind of horrid fragments
Playing with possibilities
Laying upside down in bed
Bamboo tapping at the window
Sounds like the dog getting up

Dried flowers in my
Great-grandmothers favorite book

Though it hurts, the everlastings still smell lovely

© GÄ

Maybe

It’s weirdly bright outside
I imagine that the world is hungover
I want to hear all the stories
What makes the universe get up
In the morning

I often wish my work was
Something of the greats
Another mindstate to be had
The writing good or bad
A taste of the ancients

I forgot myself early today
Cried with my head hanging over
I knew that it meant it would
Never be the same

Reflecting on what could be good
Comes from the terrible bad
So I don’t throw the unclear away
I read over it sometimes
Like a worthless piece of art
My critical eyes abusively

Unsure of what is good
Reading through it the heart laughs
“You thought this was worth keeping!”
It’s true. Some if it is not bad

It will read differently
When we’re eighty years young

A little displaced like an
Upside down lawnmower
Making my way
Cutting through the air
Something with a purpose
But nothing to receive it

Where’s the landline
My grounding wire

© GÄ

Teacher

She’ll just be tired when I call
Stop talking about death
He said mysteriously
Like a hornbill

I wanted to connect with her
No hope for the future
No possibility of conspiracy
Just a genuine chat
Comments, advice and greetings
It’s almost empty
She’s always coherent

What do you notice when someone shuts down
But the delivery shows the way forward
I’m on the verge of preponderance
No feedback left in the tank
I used most of it before I was born

I have so much I want to share
Nothing will be accepted
She has very few ears left
Too much rest and how
Can we compete with odds and ends

For the record, I wanted to be closer
Following the smoke when you wake up
Please read this knowing I would
Have been even a best friend
Perhaps better than a son
So many roles
I also got parent

It’s too late to be a mother
She had too many lives
Before he arrived

If you were a teacher
You were a preparator of so many things

You taught me to be strong
Isolation is not perfect
But somehow
Being alone is also possible
And peaceful

© GÄ

Womb

Two. It’s what they want
To make love with tonight
They see me as the most loving
Morning in an outgoing horizon
And an old friend has her hair
In blonde like honey styled up as curls
Pin combs and innumerable wheels
That resemble her tendrils
On boards and shoes people skating
Rolling around
Under the bridge
I am singing Guardian Angel
I can hit every note
Word for word as unrecognizable people
Are also chiming in
All circling in their own space

I am asking
How can someone that tried
So hard fail so badly
How can he be so good at it
And feel so bad afterwards
Dumb good
Smart bad

We all fold ours differently
Perhaps the end will feel better
Than starting over again of course
Clarity versus mystery
Hypnosis holds the key
If the puzzle has no facts
How can the picture possibly be real
If he lost his discovery
In your eyes
At the edge of your coat
The silver cannot be won
The kingdom of his heart
Is broken

Reeds are blowing at every passage
And the meaning is unable to reveal
An actual identity without a contract
Like a certificate of birth
And still the womb knows
What it held
It needs no paperwork to prove
A love for beholding it’s
Internal miracle

© GÄ

Once Upon a Time

There was a symbol of your love
Who woke me up in the trees
Just a few hours after you left me
I heard the birds
Outside, they called so many

I went to see what was going on
Sound and agitation
Unbelievably birds and more birds I lost count
In the bamboo and garden
Where we have spent so much time
With others

I feel it sincerely as a lighthouse
Or a notice to be confirmed
A phone call from you
By natures will
You know I miss you and
You’re here even if
You can’t be physically

I have stayed long in counting
One by one, I looked around to see
If something would attract traffic
Were there any seeds or bread or
Food scattered but nothing
They had all come of their own accord
With nothing to magnetize them

Except you

Incredibly, there must be
Sixty to a hundred, all different
Kinds of birds, blue jays and sparrows
Other voices I have not heard
I can’t distinguish exactly each
All together in a choir, I feel you

We have been living here
Almost fourteen years
On this property and we built
This garden and this space together
It was a reason to make it nice
Because of you and the purpose
That you gave me all the meaning
To wake up and go to work
At the grocery store, I experience
It here now; how did they know to come
On Christmas Day
A garden full of wild birds

As I walked away for an hour or two
Now later, they’re still there
The inexplicable, I turn off the TV
And I listen to their collective singing
To know that it’s you and that it’s true
You’re always with me while they
Continue to carry each voice
No matter the type, they all sing together

Inlay my body on the floor
Listen to the sound near the back door
The cold air flows over me in a bath of
Music that I will always remember
A moment as a visit and a miracle
I became aware
Forcing my body to be present
When I want to detach

We may not be available for our
Supernatural miraculous moments
Superstitious or others
If we do not listen and descale
I remember if the heart is closed
We are not open

It’s only one time
We only get one chance

© GÄ

Vouloir

I am self-sufficient
And I won’t ask much
If I ask you anything, I beg you
Can you just love me
In the way that I wish?

Without conflict
Without cries or tension
Use your conviction
Every ember and every strength
Without arguing or fighting
Every bone of my being wants your fire
To see me also for who I am
I will love you unconditionally
I will protect you exponentially
If I ask you something
Can you just love me
The way I want to be loved
Simply and completely

I have a lot of
Love to give and I can do it
In a way you do not imagine
I’ll take care of you and everything
Of the labors that surround you
I will raise you when you are on the ground
I will put a crown on your head
If you could just love me
The way I want to be loved

I don’t need a hundred lovers
I don’t need you to clean the furniture
Or for you to make the bed covers
I am domesticated and anchored
I can do all of this for you
I could build you a house
Even carry you through a threshold
Of nature to place you on your throne
Emotional strength without equal
Wipe your tears, pay your bills
Be the rock on which you must stand
Be your ultimate lover
If you could just love me
In the way I want to be loved

No conditional links
No resentment or lies
I could give you the world
If you could love me
The way I need it
Without competition
If you can love me
The way I want
A small request that may seem
Like a gigantic task

Smile when I do something great
Kiss my cheek and caress my face
Tell me that our love is so great
See my love for what it is
Something pure and infinite
My shoulder is your pillow
I will be your destiny in fate
If I ask for anything, I beg
Love me as I want

I would prefer that a stranger hold me
Even for a short time
Who does not know me rather than to be loved
By someone dear who can’t see
How to love me, it is not clear

I was told that I was easy to love
But I have chosen hard in the past
Love those who cannot love
While I’m in the shower
The answer falls on my head
In a clarity of rain
That’s all I ask

Maybe our goals are not the same
Personal limitations are to blame
Communication styles are to shame
Individual experiences are pertained
Emotional abilities are tested and strained
Different languages of love…

If all of this is true, it would be
impossible to ask you

To love me as I want

© GÄ

A Better Place

Wassailing through the morning
Silently to myself in a rush of text
Or memories of songs stuck in the head

Red lights glimmering on rocks
I’m barely aware of my legs
I’ve had thirty five years without you
But the last fifteen with you here
I’m unclear what the rest of it will be like

I made an oath to myself
That I should walk our regular path without you
And I’m keeping it today
To feel myself and find my strength
In general, it does not compute as though
Many can relate to this repetition
Going at your pace, standing at corners
Feeling the absence of you there slowly
I wonder if you feel it on the other side
Our spiritual bind is strong
But our physical bond has been broken

I walk where you no longer walk
Where you were once disoriented
Now, so am I without you

I have so many seasons to go
In this way

Breathing the loss of your presence
It’s not much different than the pain
Others feel for themselves I imagine
But when you accept the same rhythm
For so long, so comfortable so soft

So absent

It is almost its own kind of torture
To have loved and then to have lost

© GÄ

1000 Feelings

Would it just be a hidden gem
Like the leftovers in the fridge
To be finding that special person
Like your keys that you lost
In the woods after a twelve mile hike

There are parts of my life
That I have built around me
And they are all dying
As I watch the parts dwindle
Away one by one

Does she want to watch my life
Fall apart or is she there to share
Condolences in social media
It feels fake to have someone
Show up for the sadness in your life
But not to celebrate the bliss
Encourage my happiness
Cheerlead the wins

Like a tower that’s crumbling
I find my strength in a moment
Where I can share it deeply
And then there are those who
Will return it in undeniable
Waves of truthful vibrations
Genuine feelings of gratitude
If we are trudging it is through
Lush swamps of love

If my feet are stuck
They are stuck in that

Blackeyed love

My words may be broken a bit
But the heart sets the tone
For a better spoken lip

© GÄ