poetry – Page 20 – Poétique

Oblivious

Can’t see me don’t know me
Oblivious to who I am and
What I need blind to my truth
Absorbed in your own needs
Blundering like a bull through
Life and everyone around you
Spacey unconscious and
Totally zonked whereas you’re
Forgetful to the point that
No one else matters and
Of course it’s sad
And of course we have
Compassion for this
But how do we survive
Around you when you’re
Out to lunch all the time
Negligent emotion waves
Goodbye to relevant
Feelings that are not your own
So no comment
What knavery!
All the strength and respect
Our connection embodied
You wrestled it to the ground
And killed it! Because
You would just think
All of us want more of you
When some of us
Need less

Sixteen Percent

Packing and organizing things
After he left should I stay here
Or move to Florida I couldn’t yet
Figure the distance although
It seemed rational to do both
Perhaps a modicum of hope that
Would lead me to happiness
On both ends people most likely
Would wait but it’s a rhythm that
Is important to keep and he had
Somewhere to be by four o’clock

Someone said there was a snake
In the room at one time but he was
Only a pet I wasn’t sure if the truth
Was garbled but I kept picking up
The space knowing that at some point
I would either run into it or some
Remanent if it’s existence there

Underneath the table where
Not much has been cleaned for awhile
I found a couple of boxes of
Tissues practically full but had
Slid behind and so no one bothered to
Go under to retrieve them
There were soft cedar chips below
Which made me realize something
Had been under here but when
Or how long ago was unclear

It didn’t matter though I was
Having fun in this treasure trove
Of a place and the folks here wanted to
Do something about it but
No one had the motivation
So when he left we decided to
Dedicate a space of some
Of his belongings like a chapel
Or a living memoir or something else

And I could fly back and forth
From city to city living in
Both places it was just a matter
Of deciding whether to keep the
Old xerox machine that looked
Like it was some kind of
Makeshift table now
But upon moving it I realized
The decision wasn’t pertinent
Just yet

Ensemble

De rigueur of attitude
And life lived is like preservation
Is there only so much time
A limited amount of space
Where there is nothing left
To share it has been spent
Every last drop expended
Only the end left and
A memory of the way we
Laughed and played
Together in the echoes
Of a burning heart
With our feet hanging over
The back porch and our
Eyes captivated by the
World around us
Of course the smiles in us
Is there nothing leftover
Or are we the ones
Who will keep it going
Even when their is
Nothing but an empty room
And the recollections
To haunt us or blanket us
In our dreams forever
How long should a
Friendship last?

Déjà Vu

Is it jocose to think that
I could ask you not to
Dig a hole into me
Fight me
When I ask you for help

Fake dredging
Pretend sugar

Why
What for

Who are you really?

Emotional turmoil
Knowing you hurt me
When all I needed was help

My lord
Why do I help you
Why do I show up for a space
Where I feel disrespected
Unheard
Under appreciated

Pretend to catch me
Just to fall
Beneath the roots
No stability at all

Is there any escape
Will your ego rise up
To slap me in the face
Every time

Will you promise to do
What you didn’t before
And lie just to move on
Without having honor
Or accountability

Can you be a man
Of is it just a joke

Say whatever it takes to
Pass through the gates
Make excuses for your
Actions that do not
Match your words

Real care
Fake care
Where

Are you there
My soul is hungry
My heart is thirsty

You have drained me

Is it jocose to think that
I could ask you not to

Hurt me

Again

If you hurt me before
You will hurt me again

Innocente

There is no such thing
As a relationship where
No one gets hurt

I can barely hold my eyes
Open long enough to see
The future of what it can be

Inside my head
Inside my head
It’s almost dead
It’s almost dead

Ocean views and
Covered in foam
A moment before
Nothing left to lose
Connect me

If we have to wake up
Do we have to be there?
Can we zombie it out

Someone else split the difference
Someone else do it for me

My heart breaks to see
The sweetest child share pure joy
About the little things
Resonates the dark parts
Of my world that I don’t
Feel seen or heard in

Turn the lights down
Remember innocent laughter

Time will heal it
Time will heal it

Bilræs

She feels new in someone else’s arms
Like a race to get to the next one
Just a portfolio on her phone
Swiping humans to decide who
Will be the next president
To her racetrack for the night

Funny the people we invest in
Can find ways to disappear
Without saying goodbye or
Thank you or really anything
Unless you ask and even then
You may get nothing or just
A story that is a lie that still
Feels like nothing
No oil no gas
No juice in the tank
To last

When the speedway is empty
I wonder what it feels like
Just to have quiet

No engine revving

Sit underneath the happy light
That should make up for the
Unrequested abandonment
The messages you sent to
Make someone feel better
Visit their house
Carry them out
Be their best option

Until they don’t need you
Any longer

Turn to the nearest convenience
Didn’t matter if you were there
For them and they signed off

You wonder where did they end up?
Feeling new in someone else’s arms
Like a race that had to end
A journey that could never
Last forever

A false friend

Waves

Vernal blooms are opening
A way to see a new opportunity
On an old path that keeps
Trailing in the most adroit stages

Observe how folks know not
How to respect or love and then
Observe yourself in the moment
As someone who has taken
Initiative to care for others
Even in the midst of this
Unfeeling and cold climate

Was there a mental capacity
That shifted when we walked
Through the space as a professional
Is it a brainwave that operates
Differently because we wear
Slacks and not sweats
Hair tied up or down
Makeup no makeup
Who are we underneath it all

Seasons change and so do we
Do they also define what we
Become at the edge of our
Fingertips

Recarpet the bedroom
Dust the corners of the space
Try and retrace what you wanted
And who you were before you
Started asking questions about
The meaning of life

Losing track of the beginning
Maybe there is no end
Grab hold of what you have
The world is leaking
Time to surf

Treedance

If you don’t want to be consumed
Maybe it’s easier to let go
Fuzzy bear holds you close
Soft and fluffy delicate texture
On your face every place
Something softer than reality

I guess it doesn’t matter
When the page turns
It’s time to take charge
Of whatever situation
Is attempting to scramble
Your surroundings

Fresh herbs coming in
Helps to forget about the past
Harvest of tomorrow feels like
Shedding all your woes
Dropping all your clothes
Just naked for the future

Missing a friend time to
Sit on the couch
Time to listen to a record
Or lose yourself in the laughter
Something real not just
An experiment for your feelings
Genuine love tangled up
In the air with a true friend

What did the others want?

Possession

You were her possession
Something for her to win
A thing she always wanted
To have only for herself
Again and again
This is not love
Hang onto the dream
Try to relive it
But she won’t want anymore
What she already had
Excitement is high
Fulfilling the fantasy
But it is only to have you
So no one else can
And to tell all her friends
That she won you
That she wanted you
Only to win you
She finally had you
This is not love
It’s like motion sickness
Being chased all over the states
It’s like being hunted
Followed until the only
Choice left is to say yes
That’s the case
A feeling of being
Needed and wanted
You cannot escape
Even trying to get away
Still she comes for you
It’s agreed and
You think you are winning
A family a home children
When she gets there
You are hers again
She is what you always wanted
But not in this way
You are her possession
Take a jet fly away
Un voyage over an ocean
Of tears and leftover sadness
For being alive because
He loved a ghost
Something that wanted to
Hold him back
Keep him even from hisself
This is not love
To tell everyone he is mine
To show the world she chides
You are hers and he
Smokes too many cigarettes
After too many glasses
Of red wine and pain to disbelieve
Mournings of headaches
And trying to remember
And not enough sleep
And she holds him in the cage
Which is a fake enclosure
For her heart she mistakes
And he wants to know
How to be free from the love
That he thought truly wanted to
Hold him up not
Hold him down

Build him up not break him down
This was not love

Gravel

I worked so hard to
Put it together just right
Every stone in place
In every color every detail
When it was time to move it
To the top deck I placed it
On wheels and rolled it
Over cobblestones
And other bumpy terrain
Until I got to the stairs
Where I called out for help
I thought it would be someone
I knew to trust behind me
And as we both worked
Lifted up the tower it
Started to fall apart
Into so many pieces
Before my eyes all my effort
Even the top came off
Instantly on the ground
I tried not to get upset
But the uncertainty
Of the person who was
Helping me who was not
Whom I thought it would be
With green hair and peculiar
Despair I don’t know you
Climbing to the top
My father and my brother
Smiling standing behind
A counter of cuisine
I’m asking where were you!?
I needed you!
But I can choose to start over
Even if I climb down to
Pick up the top of my
Outdoor stone creation
Multicolor rocks and grey
You can build it again
I say