Poem – Page 27 – Poétique

Offhand

Jump onto a train to free myself
From my own thoughts
Listening to yours would be
Much more desirable

But still the lemon peels while
Searching for the red dots
Heart palpitations and
Remembering spots walking down
Melrose Boulevard looking for
A new pair of shoes it was then
The only thing that mattered
In that moment and making it
To the movie theater in time
To see the show before it starts
And popcorn? And lemonade

I’m not sure
If only to care about tiny things
Look down then look up
Searching for the red dots again
Turn my head and see the future
Hiding behind the couch
On a towel by the sea
Floating out of the city
Away from the traffic
Car alarms as they scream
I’ve heard birds that a sound prettier

Remember her, remember him
That was then

Let’s go there, it’s so easy
When you’re settled and have a job
To dream of a different life
Take all of that away and
You’re in a cardboard box existence
Searching for the red dots again
Electricity and a safe place
To rest the brilliant self on a bed
All the things we wanted before love
All the decisions we made to save ourselves

Grass is greener under a purple sky
Purple sky is hard to come by
I’m awake he said and at least there’s
Money in the bank

Jellyfish

He bent over and heard a phone
Ring in his throat, oh well
Seems natural in the digital age
He said as he pulled his socks on
To prepare for the day ahead
Just keep thinking about how
We’re not dead until we’re dead
So they can keep throwing
Opportunities at you and then
Rip them away it’s just a game
To the big wigs but for the little people
Down here in tiny town it’s everything
We’re all just pretending that we
Have enough to get by feeling like
We’re doing something paying our part
Catching up at the end of the month
Adding to the money pie and still
Can’t help but think it doesn’t matter
Until your chalk full of lead or
Formaldehyde full of dead so we
Just keep moving and living along
Even if it means we encounter
Foot songs of grief dirges of bereft
With nothing left but tears and torn
Blankets our teeth crumbling out
Eventually if you’re not up for maintaining
That’s the end of the route
So the maintainers put their capes on
Pay their nickels at the end of the month
Throw money into programs of
Insurance that never pay off
Of course we don’t want them to
And then look for the crown at the
End of the year! You did it! You survived!
Here here! Applause! Let’s all cheer!
Barely able to stand up
You’ve been sharing your cup
With the world and the gold is
Still empty in your bucket
But you’ll resiliently say
Chuck it up to another
Shrimp on the barbie
We made it thus far; you’re a star!
You can keep going, you know it
I wonder what it’s like
To be a jellyfish

Overture

What was the point of coming back
Explain the angle or the math?
She was always so good at equations
Even when she was high you know
Totally stupefied and how many petals
Covered the path to the top of
The mountains of missions and journeys
She’d climb to achieve her mystery
Hidden agendas and goals no one
Would know about perhaps not even
Herself still yet, it begs the biggest
Question: What for a reentering?

Had Neptune a signal to give her
Directions or would there be another
Symbol from the oceanic system to
Sonar her into a clicking that would
Maybe one day bubble up into a sulfide
That would surprise us all with her
Chemical experience she was a master
At her trade which was defined in
Human Resources and a refined training
In acting for any of this she was given
A premise to promise nothingness

One still begs to cry for why for? What!
If the point was to be helpful then
Why does she reappear just to disappear
Again and again might as well just be
Sitting around pantless and vulnerable
That’s the way she leaves you wondering
If she’ll ever pop her head in again
Pretend to be your forever friend
Accuse you of being the reason why
She failed you blame yourself for not
Noticing how she was trying to help

It should be enough for you and if it’s not
Well then too bad so sad still though
You may linger in your thoughts
Your heart feel ripped and wrought
When she was once a Queen!
It begs the question! What’s the point?
Why come back again just to leave?
And if to come and then deceive
Was it ever really that innocent?
Little explanation for the act of vanishing
An invisible coat for she who is disparaît
Underneath the overpass an exit

A kiss goodbye and laughter for
Freedom to the liberation of hope for
Never to be burdened by her return again
Though your love for her will not be
Forgotten and is held onto by the
Deepest of trampled on moments
Hot breath on the glass an invisible
Message that is encre invisible at its best
If your eyes are closed if you blink
You will miss it as if from this moment on

Nothing ever happened it didn’t exist yet the
Memory which is only a dream that was once
Caught parachuting from the sky
Paralyzed by the frozen altitudes
That could never deliver the comfort
Her words once promised
It was all just for fun in her eyes

Exitway

She didn’t have to
But she did it anyway
Is it resentment or just jealousy
For the loss of the family girl
She promised to be when she was
Behaving like a little devil
Wearing the past like a dress
That didn’t quite work out for the
Dinner party she showed up to
Still the history was quaint
No one knew if her decisions
Were her own but she used to
Make them all by herself
Like sitting up! Not anymore
I think I’ll stop giving people
The option you know?
She quailed, “I’ve got a mind to!”
Many are most likely to say no
Seems the brain is wired that way
Speaking of wires it’s been
A long time since a telephone call
With someone to share
The good stuff like
Heart perversions and
Reasons for taking the train
To New York but not without
A book on how to make
Good decisions and an index
On who to speak to for herself
The imagination is strong
The ties are calling her
Railroad fantasies are long

Candlelight

Dressed to impress
Let the mood soften this
Candlelight lit by the darkness
Ups and downs keep us
Spinning round knit to the
Unknown words on the tongue
Never heard or text before
Emotional suggestions of
Whole heart palpitations
Coming out from every pore
No way to really stop it the…
Want to be the complete self
In the moment but also look back
And realize how much of
It is high volume light vibration
The relief comes in waves
Whatever direction from nothingness
More passion when sharing the
Exact story saying the truth
So much more full than
Half moon coming in full sun
It’s certainly more memorable
That way even when the
Glowing is dimming

Still

I had a dream last night
That I held you; scooped you up
While you were dying again
I watched you breathing slowly
I remember when your
Aptitude was faltering like this
Fading before my eyes
But still hanging onto
The breath of life
We find ourselves aching
From stress but keep moving
Of course I can’t really tell
But the shivers seem abnormal
I want to ignore the way that
You’re sleeping but
Maybe your heart is overworked
Some part of you is giving out?
I would never be ready
I’m not sure how to
Handle the exit approach
I saw you looking confused
Earlier today
So much to celebrate and then
Nothing is too great
If you’re gone
I could sing you a lullaby
Wake up alone
If I fall asleep will you still
Be there in the morning?

Rerun

Who’s inventing anymore?
We just reuse stuff over and over
Because I did what I wanted
Not what they wanted…
“I’m not a dummy!” he said,
Are you in it for love?
We all have different ways uh talkin’
If you ain’t in it for love
What’s the point?
Don’t throw doubt into my head
Seems idiotic but
Everything is cycling over and over
Structure unlike structure
Sequels instead of originals
Hear the inner voice say
Don’t wait! (Many of us)
Won’t get the chance again
Follow the heart jump
Say the uncomfortable thing
Now that liberation is
Part of the picture why boy do ya
Question yourself
Be a man! Damnit!
Grow some and say
What no one else will say…
That’s the way you invent something

Shoes

I can still hear the words
“It seems like you’re not that into it”
But of course you already knew
It was a big deal for me to be there in the first place
I couldn’t even look you in the eyes
The last time I tried I had to climb
Off and away from you outside because your
Demeanor was fake and explosive
I couldn’t believe that whatever
You were exclaiming loud enough
For the entire neighborhood to hear
Wake the dead bury my head endure
In a corner under a blanket how demure
Blackout the images I still can’t erase
More like a possessed form of grunting was real
What’s her name? Emily Rose or Sybil Dorsett
Hannah Grace same idea similar face
Harsh to say but everything was replaced
Ingenuine it was all about the show
Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Do it some more
That’s what was so scary; frighteningly so
Time to go not time to stick around
And see how red the flags can get
Kindly removing myself from the rebound
You know screaming at the top of
Your lungs doesn’t prove anything
More than borderline personality
Insanity and two times over I tried
Harder even with your lovers’ pretend smile
To be best friends again and again
And though the memories pained me more
To restrain myself from ever before going there
Again and again because it was hard enough
To lose a friend and to let go of the toxic flow
Of what I thought was love but no longer
Can it be allowed to steal the show and to also
Leave me standing in the shoes that belong to me
Believing I can do it without you was difficult
And your best friend that tried to
Pretend to love me again is the
Hardest part but the best thing I
Can do to prove that I love myself
Enough again is not to put myself through it
Into that posture or position any longer
We all gave each other something
The trade off is over

Temporary

They lock in and latch on
Pretty fangs smile their way in through
Footsteps at your doorway
Drink up everything you’ve got
And then go away because they
Don’t need you anymore in that way
Scratching at my teeth that’s what’s up
Massaging the skin down to the bone
Checking for a pulse
Is there anyone home?
Knocking on the door of my heart
Is anybody there
Or did they take it all; the furniture too
You know how they do it
Find you so impulsive and beautiful
Full of creativity and certainty
Delicious and ready to drink you gone
And then they are no longer thirsty
Anymore and they disappear
Geranium dreams and nightmares
Seem to pull the trigger sink their teeth
Snap the strings hold on tight
More wanting more recovery from the bite
Where did everyone go??
Too much energy filled their cup
And off again god forbid
That they hang around for a minute
But the lesser of the two spreads wings
And finds grace to say happy
To have the opportunity to meet you
Even if it meant you couldn’t stay
Even if you meant to say..
Even if it’s time to go..
Thanks for stopping by even so

Ambigram

I tried to draw an ambigram
With my mind in my dreams
And otherwise to paint a picture
That could be seen and understood
From all sides day and night
Conscious and unconsciously
Below the moon above the sun
Upside down and right side up
I found the liquid in my cup
Travelling sideways every time
I wanted to create something to
Believe the writing on the walls
Would not lead me to deceive
Myself again hot or cold
Spicy or plain the whole engagement
Left me saying to myself,
“My heart couldn’t take it again.”

But in the mornings as I showered
Your memory gleaned and glowered
Like a fantasy or a fairytale
One of my elders read to me in
A library somewhere or in a bed
Before I lay me down to get some rest
And inevitably comes the morn’
And breaks the dawn and so the
Wanting and the longing and the warnings

Beware you cost yourself a lifetime of
Unloving for one occasional drop of honey
And the wet pillows that you left behind
Tear soaked should stand to be reminded
Of the sadder times you’d never quite
Caught on to realize would be the precedent
The winning factor the pine cones kicked around
Frozen fingers to the bone
Underneath one hundred blankets
Just to keep warm for all you wanted
Was to be loved

And when it ebbs and flows
It comes and goes it leaves you
With the worst of what recovering
From what you wanted
Then you had
Now it’s gone

That’s the way it is unwritten
In the song of our delusion