poetry – Page 26 – Poétique

Spiders

Somewhere in the
Zeitgeist of our lives
In the time and place
That we both arrived
You made a path
Through the sea of my heart
Two spiders became one
Chewing and gnawing
At the right leg
Fuzzy light engulfs both of us
As if one barely makes it
Through the light and the other joins
Warm yellow glows a different form
Entirely altogether altered
And reborn

Electric aura transforms
Into our metaphysical positions
How many spaces?
How many lines!
Things in my hands feel smaller
Things on the earth feel taller

Gift of a voice recording
Some years ago
{That never got erased}
There’s no AI for that

Do you think requesting another
Would make a difference?

A perfect morning
A blazer of a day
Bird on my shoulder
Monkey on my back
Simple text is better than
Total exclusion
No doubt about that

I wonder what it will cost
In the long distance

Parts

I cried so much last night

I’m taking myself back
All the good parts
That I built up but then lost
I did them for you
Now I’ll do them for me!

Bring back the parts that I
Manufactured in the hope
That it would mean more for us

A disciplined construction in a
Scaffolding of emotional security
That will mean something for me

All of the experiences I wanted
To have for us but were impossible
Could be had even without you

My life is not on hold
A spirit that’s beautifully different
Must fly even without validation

The price we pay to leave the
Best parts of ourselves behind
Is an arm and a leg

Catharsis

Two leftover boys finding love for the other
The unwanted children that survived
We’re like brothers maybe I’m your father
Or maybe you’re mine you could be
I’m unsure but learning still from you

It seemed you loved me the least of all
And know you get all of my love and
Maybe that’s all you needed

White walls blue sky earth turning
Climbing eternally when do we stop
When do we summit, where is my peak?

I meet you here in the grass
On the mountain of my heart
And hold the difference between
Cold and hot know the difference of
Yes and no black and white
Who is right? Does it matter?

I can be a better version of my father
I can be a better version of my mother
I have many failed attempts and yet
I never give up trying even though
I have so much when is it enough?

I feel the need to face the pillow
Sleep forever comfort my willingness
To congregate towards the light
In a tunnel of sorts at the back of
My mind and outwardly overhead

Floating above with my cat friend
What entities are we anyway?
What allergies are we to one another?

Is it confrontational to hear our
Own words back to us?
Are we offending ourselves upon
Reflection for those words
To ourselves boomeranging back to
The root of who we are
Feeling nothing facting everything

Make up a new moment
How much would it cost to
Face ourselves with grace and
Forgive the parts of our hearts
That weren’t ticking right at the time

Compassionate beings who are we
Clinging to our stickiest souls
A beautiful twisting cosmos
Of whiskers and willingness

Voyaging

Tea ceremony to make us whole
The oblivion of Morpheus seems to be
A perpetual state of mind
Awake, asleep or dreaming
As if someone was going to
Break into my account to
Write poetry on my behalf
Is it really necessary
To lock me out
Hinging on what will be and a
Tongue in the corner of my mouth
Soft lips touching
Abrasive ground and mindful
Rushing out of things
Instead of in what is whatever?
Do we head to South Africa
Watch our membranes waggle
In Afrikaans roll our eyes
And find a trampoline or a hammock to
Lay together on with something
To make us complete like two stars
Full of electric juice not too soon
Will we fade and our passions
Burning hot like lights
Filaments you can’t put
Your fingerprints on
Branding your mark on my heart
Fill my sky; blind me

Behalf

He stopped playing the piano
But he hadn’t forgotten how to
He stopped riding his bicycle
But he still knew where it was
He forgot to meditate
But he remembered how to return
The path had changed
In the care of his keep
He was busy with life
And the challenges of it all
But he recalled the days
When doing all of these things

Meant something

To be the linchpin
Of ourselves holding the edifice
Together so as not to crumble
Explode or fall apart

Yellow leaves turned up
After the solstice was strolling past
Muddy tiles to witness inner strengths
Washed over and over to reveal
Connection and a use for time
Sliding down the fault of
Memories we attempt to get away from
Churning through the vast nature
If ostensibility is to overwhelm
To congregate in the belly of burden

When to bite and when to chew
Basic principles that should
Involuntarily teach us that
Enough is enough and that
We did all we can do

It’s a beautiful thing
Not to be through with our bodies
But to wake up in said vessels
Alive and renewed
All of our arms and legs
Working and if even only a few limbs
There’s still life in you yet
Old man

Hibiscus

They resent you for surviving
Wish that you would fail
Hate that you love life
Despise that you avail

They resent that you are happy
Their misery wants you to fall
They only love you when you’re crawling
When your back’s against a wall

I could have been your opportunity
Nothing can make you feel any different
When you feel the way you do
Fake money fake car fake feelings
Just to be how you are
Sometimes you fake it

How raw

I can’t feel myself
I can’t feel myself
I can’t feel myself

You were so unafraid
When people acted this way
I need a balcony
My turn signals are broken
Pull me over
Drag me out

Into the street
Into the street
Into the street

I need a Bollywood dance
A medical cream
A high stakes bet
That my life is worth living

Why did she resent me
You loved me unconditionally
Why does she highlight my dark spots
You licked my wounds

Some people actually thrive
When we’re down

Paddle out

Maybe

It’s weirdly bright outside
I imagine that the world is hungover
I want to hear all the stories
What makes the universe get up
In the morning

I often wish my work was
Something of the greats
Another mindstate to be had
The writing good or bad
A taste of the ancients

I forgot myself early today
Cried with my head hanging over
I knew that it meant it would
Never be the same

Reflecting on what could be good
Comes from the terrible bad
So I don’t throw the unclear away
I read over it sometimes
Like a worthless piece of art
My critical eyes abusively

Unsure of what is good
Reading through it the heart laughs
“You thought this was worth keeping!”
It’s true. Some if it is not bad

It will read differently
When we’re eighty years young

A little displaced like an
Upside down lawnmower
Making my way
Cutting through the air
Something with a purpose
But nothing to receive it

Where’s the landline
My grounding wire

Womb

Two. It’s what they want
To make love with tonight
They see me as the most loving
Morning in an outgoing horizon
And an old friend has her hair
In blonde like honey styled up as curls
Pin combs and innumerable wheels
That resemble her tendrils
On boards and shoes people skating
Rolling around
Under the bridge
I am singing Guardian Angel
I can hit every note
Word for word as unrecognizable people
Are also chiming in
All circling in their own space

I am asking
How can someone that tried
So hard fail so badly
How can he be so good at it
And feel so bad afterwards
Dumb good
Smart bad

We all fold ours differently
Perhaps the end will feel better
Than starting over again of course
Clarity versus mystery
Hypnosis holds the key
If the puzzle has no facts
How can the picture possibly be real
If he lost his discovery
In your eyes
At the edge of your coat
The silver cannot be won
The kingdom of his heart
Is broken

Reeds are blowing at every passage
And the meaning is unable to reveal
An actual identity without a contract
Like a certificate of birth
And still the womb knows
What it held
It needs no paperwork to prove
A love for beholding it’s
Internal miracle

Vouloir

I am self-sufficient
And I won’t ask much
If I ask you anything, I beg you
Can you just love me
In the way that I wish?

Without conflict
Without cries or tension
Use your conviction
Every ember and every strength
Without arguing or fighting
Every bone of my being wants your fire
To see me also for who I am
I will love you unconditionally
I will protect you exponentially
If I ask you something
Can you just love me
The way I want to be loved
Simply and completely

I have a lot of
Love to give and I can do it
In a way you do not imagine
I’ll take care of you and everything
Of the labors that surround you
I will raise you when you are on the ground
I will put a crown on your head
If you could just love me
The way I want to be loved

I don’t need a hundred lovers
I don’t need you to clean the furniture
Or for you to make the bed covers
I am domesticated and anchored
I can do all of this for you
I could build you a house
Even carry you through a threshold
Of nature to place you on your throne
Emotional strength without equal
Wipe your tears, pay your bills
Be the rock on which you must stand
Be your ultimate lover
If you could just love me
In the way I want to be loved

No conditional links
No resentment or lies
I could give you the world
If you could love me
The way I need it
Without competition
If you can love me
The way I want
A small request that may seem
Like a gigantic task

Smile when I do something great
Kiss my cheek and caress my face
Tell me that our love is so great
See my love for what it is
Something pure and infinite
My shoulder is your pillow
I will be your destiny in fate
If I ask for anything, I beg
Love me as I want

I would prefer that a stranger hold me
Even for a short time
Who does not know me rather than to be loved
By someone dear who can’t see
How to love me, it is not clear

I was told that I was easy to love
But I have chosen hard in the past
Love those who cannot love
While I’m in the shower
The answer falls on my head
In a clarity of rain
That’s all I ask

Maybe our goals are not the same
Personal limitations are to blame
Communication styles are to shame
Individual experiences are pertained
Emotional abilities are tested and strained
Different languages of love…

If all of this is true, it would be
impossible to ask you

To love me as I want

A Better Place

Wassailing through the morning
Silently to myself in a rush of text
Or memories of songs stuck in the head

Red lights glimmering on rocks
I’m barely aware of my legs
I’ve had thirty five years without you
But the last fifteen with you here
I’m unclear what the rest of it will be like

I made an oath to myself
That I should walk our regular path without you
And I’m keeping it today
To feel myself and find my strength
In general, it does not compute as though
Many can relate to this repetition
Going at your pace, standing at corners
Feeling the absence of you there slowly
I wonder if you feel it on the other side
Our spiritual bind is strong
But our physical bond has been broken

I walk where you no longer walk
Where you were once disoriented
Now, so am I without you

I have so many seasons to go
In this way

Breathing the loss of your presence
It’s not much different than the pain
Others feel for themselves I imagine
But when you accept the same rhythm
For so long, so comfortable so soft

So absent

It is almost its own kind of torture
To have loved and then to have lost