Until I

Let thyself feel bad
Until I feel good
Wrestle round up and down
Beating at the bruise
Stars are twinkling less
Hands are working more
To want for better
Keeps the ink on every letter
Every uttered word
Should be so careful
And still I step on my words
A melancholic drag
Therefore I let myself
Feel bad until I feel good

© GÄ

A Modern Approach

Help me explore a new world
And the idea of you
If you say anything nice
I’ll cry
I don’t mind crying
But please don’t film it
Unless I’m acting
I don’t want the footage
To exist
I am currently seeking
A modern approach
To love
Like French kissing
Turning around my words
While my tongue is
Hyper aware of everything
That I’m saying
Some words fit and others
Feel like they were relevant
Such a long time ago
Maybe not anymore

© GÄ

Un

In all that I have achieved
I did not achieve you
You could not be achieved
Even if I could achieve God
And She could achieve me
You could not be be be
Mine this could not be be be
Ours

In all that I have achieved
I have achieved most from you
Tears and pain a few laughs
But incredible angst
Forever forgiving my love
For you was pure
My heartbeat hungry
To be received
The family
The womb of a home
But no bending would bring
Words and lashes of anger
Pushing me
Further and further and further
Away

Even if I wanted to be achieved
The fires were to great
Burning this heart of a home
To the ashes of a memory
And the willingness to
Be caressed by the wind
Of what I achieved if it was to
Be be be
It was my freedom

© GÄ

Handful

Only a handful of times did we
Make love
Did we we make love
In 7 years how many times
Not even once a year
Not even make up sex
Give up my good years
To not wake up next
To someone who deserved me
Mother me more than
Lover me
I don’t need a mother
Even more than just a lover
Someone to share
My heart with
Someone to give
My every part with
As much or as many
As a hand could grasp
Though it was only
A handful of times
Ironically it was also a
Handful to define
Our love

© GÄ

Flew

I was dreaming

We were
Cleaning

A big building
It reminded me
Of the church I grew up in
You

Asked me how to
Clean the stairs
You
Saw me cleaning stairs
I showed you how
You
Took the cleaner to
Clean the stairs we were
Both on our hands and knees
We
Both knew I had to
Catch a flight
I had to go
I have to go
Home
But you

Were exhausted
You weren’t sure
You
Wanted to come along
And then
After we finished cleaning
You
Jumped on my back
You rode piggy back and said
Okay I’ll come with you
And we
Escaped to the airport
To get our tickets
You and I
We finally

Came through

And then we flew

© GÄ

Everything Is Okay

How dare you break my heart
The people that hurt us
We might say this to
But they can’t apologize because they
Don’t know how and we
Just smile and say that it’s okay

Everything is okay

My reality is so powerful
The feelings that come through
About my perceptions
Are stronger than usual
Especially about you

The more difficult or new
The conversations that I’m having
The more telling the dream
Like an argument with a best friend
A lunch with a person
Whom is no longer a stranger
Somehow because
I thought I saw potential
But what did I see
When I saw you
Is it my pandemic brain
Or is it really true
Is this true?

What are we
Are we this
What is this
If this is everything

Than everything is okay

© GÄ

Nineteen

Do you like who you’re becoming
Do you remember who you were
Soft dramatic orchestral motions
Back and forth back and forth
This man stands before you healed
These ears try not to hear
The only way to keep a secret
Between two men is to kill one of them
But there’s forgiveness in the air
Don’t let your guard down
With forgiveness in the air
Something smells good
Is it the tapering of despair
So typically weak
But not enough quite yet
To speak the words
Premature or selfish
I need things to smell different
Somehow like they used to
Before I met you
Nineteen again

© GÄ

How ‘Bout Mars

Too much information
Am I
Too much contemplation
Do I
Speak too much when
Quiet time is quite enough
No one for me
No pity
Just can’t see ahead
Far enough
Far enough to see
No pity
No one here for me
Lots of speaking
Too much thinking
Wish the corners of your mouth
Would curl up somewhere
Next to me
I’ll be quiet now
There is
Too much information
Am I
Too much contemplation
Do I
Speak too much when
Quiet time is quite enough
You say maybe someone
Maybe no one is
Left standing on
This terrain for me
So how ‘bout Mars

© GÄ

My Dear

I might get a little attached
But how attached am I
How far will I take it
How bold can I be
If I want to say
I like you
Tell you outright
It’s too much right?
Or is it
Maybe not tonight
But maybe tomorrow right?
No blood shed here
Just thoughts of love
My dear

My dear can I call you that
Or will I scare you away
I think I’ll ask you straight out
What frightens you
So I know then what not to say
I want to write words for you
To you I want to be a part
Of what we could be if
You let me if I can be
Courageous enough
To speak without fear
To call you my dear
By your name

Could you like me too
Is it too soon to know
Maybe Monday will show
I want to kiss you
Is it too soon
I want to hold you
Is it too soon
I want to tell you how I feel
Is it too soon
Could it be that you
Are capable of hearing
All these things
That I could say
That I won’t scare you away

I can try
I need to pull up my trousers
Push up my sleeves
And say fuck it

Do you like me…

© GÄ

Back At Me

You read me
Like an open book he said
I just threw my head around
In every which way
I wanted him to like me
But then what would I do
If he actually did
Maybe grow my hair out
Or paint my bedroom walls blue
There was that one color
I really liked
Similarly to his eyes
I wonder if I could hide my
True feelings if he asked
When he came over
If he came over
About the blue walls
I painted them blue
Because of you
You are so beautiful
Nah, probably just lie
And say I wanted to remember
That time I was with my favorite
Childhood best friend
Who was also a dog
A beautiful dog
More beautiful than any human
I’ve ever encountered
Except for you I could say
Really it’s just a dream
Unless he actually came to
Sit with me on my bed
Looking up at the ceiling
I count all the spots I can see
In hapless wonder
I think what a joy it would be
To have him smile
Back at me

© GÄ