Insouciance

He asked me to open up,
So I unfolded like a rose —
A vibrant bloom in the corner of a loud café
Stories spilled like honey,
Slow and golden,
Meant to be shared
Feeling safe in his imaginary
Capable hands
I thought he could hold this

I wove him into every thread —
My laughter at the piano,
The way I pictured his lips
Pulling me closer on the couch
I was building a scene,
And he was in every frame

He said,
You only care about yourself.
Don’t you want to know anything…

…about me?
I said — Yes.
So much. So deeply.
Weren’t you listening?

Remember the list
Of questions I brought to you
On the first date —
Notes folded on the table
Like a small offering
Questions I tried to ask you
But he said that wasn’t real enough
He wanted organic spontaneity
Almost mourning being forgotten
In the light of his own shadow

I apologized.
Of course I did.
But he admitted —
He was baiting me
Setting traps of silence
Just to see if I’d fall in
Pass his test

He didn’t want to be known
He wanted to be missed.
Not understood —
Only pitied

And still,
I carry the one question
I meant to ask
Still wondering
What was the aria that played
In his proud blackened heart
While I was trying so hard
To sing what was only
A duet of darkness
Drowning in his insouciance

© GÄ

Ormolu

I keep writing
I’m still beating
Fluently flowing
Holding out
Holding on

Crevices and curbs
I could be
Sneaking into or
Waiting on

How many corners
How many eyes
How many smiles
Until I find
Yours

Used to have wishes
Stars to make love under

Wanted to travel
Get closer to you

How many more times
How much less sand
Dripping through
My hands

Your waist
My arms
One chase

Mauve maybes
Tomorrow glances back
Over your shoulder

I can feel you
Without touching

Sensory overload
Endless chalice
Simple thirst for
Eternity

Wet

© GÄ

Senses

I can smell you
Even though you’re not here

I can taste the salt
At the edge of your neck
Even though I never have

Watch you grab the back
Of your head your fingers
Deep in your hair

Even this is art
To my eyes

The way you speak
Your ability to ask
For what you want

Like directing traffic
Unapologetically

There is a gap between
What we have and what is

But I can watch you from a
Different place and appreciate
You for all that you are

Whatever we think that is
Range of emotions

Watch the years grow by

© GÄ

Courtheart

Learning to love me
Is like writing a letter
On my body that arises
Humiliated to the point
That I must say thank you
Adjusting up

Let’s not be drunk and sad
But split open
Excited about the
Improbability
Like a fire
Crackling

Sparks dancing on
Our skin what then
Have we left to hide
Share the ground
With me

What would be left to
Protect me from
If they should
Fight through the
Gates of hell
To get here

Through all folktales
We can brandish the edge
Of ocean break like heaven
Still what would even
The stars hide their eyes
From if the lips of
Celestial beings should purse

For some existing
Everything is a ceaseless fight
Grab ahold of all the glitter
Just to die with it in your arms
What to be petty
Full of judgements not

Glistening on the floor
Delicious sentiments
For tomorrow

© GÄ

Retinue

Hold back every dream
If it means to have one with you
Quiet my everything
Outside the custody of clouds
Like foggy memories
Passing their way through
A messy doorway that
Wants to find clarity
But the night vision
Is broken and the
Daylight doesn’t come
Fast enough but yeah
Love to return to that place
Where it was easy to love
Hang out on the couch
And talk for hours
Watch the sky roll by
Count trees
Walk around the block
Trip over cracks
In the sidewalk
Have nowhere to go
With you

© GÄ

Somewhere

How does it strike the chord
Inside how does it find that
Place I’ve been looking for
City lights wind on my face
The perfect song looking
Up into outer space
How does it remind me of what
I’m trying to find and for
How long will I be seeking
What I hoped to find since my
Youth and still haven’t been able
To touch just out of reach
But you know it’s there
You hear the words you feel
The notes inside and you
Know it’s around the corner the
Connection but you don’t know where
Somehow blowing through the sky
Reach out and wait to see
If the two align because it
Seems like everything about
Me knows it could be true holding
In my hands caught up in an era
The date that waits to
Meet the fate of you
I could be good for you
You could be good for me too

© GÄ

No Clue

There is a cat a dog and a bird that accompany me
They remind me of how much life there is to love

Each has their own voice and here I attempt to find my own
The glare of the past shadows their sweetness

I’m living a life that I could be taking for granted
My inner voice asks if I remember how I got here

A bright but grey morning inspires a joy that begs to be lived before noon
Even if it’s impossible
The smell of pines firs and fragrant needles reminiscent to heaven

Swirl around back and forth between my ears which are too busy listening
To notice
If a thunderstorm should shake the earth thoughts would form dreamscapes

I could have wished for this before the alien ship dropped me off

Chosen family a beautiful garden and all the music

What do we know about where we came from!? The clouds above form shapes that answer questions to who I am

But still nature appears to know more
If I could have picked this life to live before I was born into it
I would have chosen you even though I have no clue to your appearance

I would look for you in the hammock chair reading outside in our private garden
A completed picture
The necessary part that shares the memory I can’t look back on
Without you in it

© GÄ

Faceplant

Like being on vacation
And feeling ill at the same time
I want to have some fun and
I can’t get you off my mind
Like being on an island
And feeling homesick all the while
I want to have some fun and
Kiss your gorgeous goddamn smile
Like having wishes granted
But living with the question why
I want to have some fun and
Make you feel good all the time
Roses are red violets are blue
Let the blood drain from my veins
And pool around me too
Like a red sea of raw passion
I would never abandon you
My heart is strewn about the world
But my soul belongs to you
Scribbled on the walls
Is the writing that construes
The meaning of our friendship
I could fall in love with you
Bursting through the doors
I could fall in love with you
Walking down the street
I could fall in love with you
I’m running out of words
I could fall in love with you
There’s no better way to say it
I think I tripped over myself
And took a faceplant into you

© GÄ

Entrance

Did you think that I’d forget?
I cannot solve the insolation
You are the only proof
That I could not prepare my heart
For your sunny entrance
Nor could my intuition
Protect me

© GÄ