poetry – Page 27 – Poétique

1000 Feelings

Would it just be a hidden gem
Like the leftovers in the fridge
To be finding that special person
Like your keys that you lost
In the woods after a twelve mile hike

There are parts of my life
That I have built around me
And they are all dying
As I watch the parts dwindle
Away one by one

Does she want to watch my life
Fall apart or is she there to share
Condolences in social media
It feels fake to have someone
Show up for the sadness in your life
But not to celebrate the bliss
Encourage my happiness
Cheerlead the wins

Like a tower that’s crumbling
I find my strength in a moment
Where I can share it deeply
And then there are those who
Will return it in undeniable
Waves of truthful vibrations
Genuine feelings of gratitude
If we are trudging it is through
Lush swamps of love

If my feet are stuck
They are stuck in that

Blackeyed love

My words may be broken a bit
But the heart sets the tone
For a better spoken lip

Bursting

I never knew this kind of rage
Could live inside of you
To let something go that you
Love so much

I never knew this kind of anger
Boiling beneath you because I have
Never loved anything
Exactly in that way

The magnetism stretching your
Insides like a rubber band with
An electricity running through
Your gut all the way up to your
Tongue sizzling at the very tip
And all over the buds

Crackling inside

There’s only one time that
I feel like this

It’s when I’m
Losing the love of my life
Connecting the cosmos
Bending into the other side

Death

We are both bubbling
Not wanting to let go
But we know we have to move
Teeth clenched around the tongue

You’re such a fixture in my life

I look around to find the words
Of loved ones willing to be there
For me when you’re gone
This is the power of true friendship
This is the paramount message
Of our love

The ones that are there for us
When the love is gone

Biting Down

I asked to be polite
But I was told to be respectful
What feels like a good thing
Interprets as a bad one inside
Physically if the person is
Not ready to receive
But we ask only to be nice
And they say wait
Sit over there in a chair
By the cold door
Because I’m afraid
You are too early! I comply
Reporting that the restaurant is
Nearly empty and my party
Will be here in twenty three
Minutes yet because I was
Polite you have requested for me
To sit and watch and listen
To the sounds of the space
Have a drink I do not want
Decorated festively indoors with
Candlelight that looks warm
Dried plants and the people
Begin to swarm into the space
And the music is inaudible
Unlike the voices as I watch the
System of your hosting
Which does not include me
In all the murmuring
Pick out tid bits of conversation
What is everyone talking about
“How do they know?”
Sixteen hundred hours doors open
I am still working on
Getting my guests here
So to sit still and relax is to
Be one with the chair
It feels much less like
Welcoming and more like the
Other way around
Meaning you are
Encouraged to sit
Down when the rest of
Your people are here
It’s an interesting dilemma
To want to be nice
When your body is
Annoyed by the system
Looking in the lost and found
To find more patience
I wonder how the food will taste

Parement

Her hair looked sort of brown
Or was it purple? I’m not sure
He really wanted to go to that party
But the constable of life
Had out his billy club
It was the no no no of
Only so much time in the day
There was an art to showing up
For mad activities

Though sense was the last thing
To be found on the menu
There was also a strike of lightning
In her eyes that left an impression
Very impossible to describe
He kept going back for more
Looking for himself somewhere
In their reflections

Pools of past experiences
That were untelling in volume
Weight and depth appeared
Walkable in some way but then
Encouraged deeper examination
Before stepping in like an
Analytical rain storm or
Some other indeterminable
Weather forecast

The pattern for failure was clear
If he went down into the galley
There would be another knife
To pull out of his back
This time harder to reach
And the temptation was
Sensational! Like honey
Sweet and irresistible

Each minute begat each hour
However the clock ticked as though
There was no necessary explanation
In the video of his mind if he should
Reconsider returning to his homeland
Or calling home the land he was in
It wasn’t Singapore and the ground
Was relatively firm so the
Distance felt quite manageable

There was a blue bowl with
Pink berries adjacent to a teal spoon
Sitting on the table next to a
Half empty cup of tea
Was this someone else who
Left it behind or could it be
Life was moving so fast
That he had simply forgotten
That he had made it?

That’s how it was living in a world
Of possibilities and dreams

Noble Guide

Withering down to nothing
Dreams of your great escape
Perched at rocks by mild cliffs
The hardest part is letting go
Words words and more words
Won’t keep you here on the planet
If your body doesn’t want to

Sweet morning walks
It’s never clear how far you’ll go
It’s less and less but more disoriented
Moments of pause in the
Perfect air remind me how
Winter is coming and it can be cruel
To expect you to survive another
Is really just selfish but you
Surprise me when you
Choose to eat on your own

Winter solstice could be
Your best choice for an exit
Into the equinox gateway
If I compared your abilities
Before up to now your agility
Is one of remarkable nature

I bow down to your will
I am a patron to your strength
Your courage is an emblem
To the future that could also be great
You’ve shown me priority to that

Every five years or so change happens
A shift in the neighborhood
A new structure of telephone poles
A new family a different face

Our time remained the same
As folks came and went out paths
Journeyed equally
New grass different year
Heirloom roots and recollections embedded

The dawn of darkness will be
Crowned with your absence
I will remark of its emptiness
When you are only a vapor
In the ether around me

Even the rain will sound different
When it hits the ground

Sky

Beatific smile left over from the
Plague of emotions haunting his
Daydreams like the kind of stuff
You can’t ever unsee

Made a wonderful habit out of
Remembering how to appreciate
Little things like the color of the sky
Painted houses in unorthodox ways
People wearing things that
Didn’t fit in with the remaining society

Reaching backwards to scratch his head
There was a question mark
Hidden beneath his hair
No wonder the itch and
Begs the question also
“How long had it been there?”

Dark grey sky above was so brave
She didn’t care about the way she
Looked to everyone either
What brazen beauty at its finest

Even if the earth was cold and green
Her shadows could still cast immeasurable markers
Like a spotlight of bleakness
Where you could stand in the absent
Happiness of your brain chord

“I had one or two before.” he murmured
No one could hear him but the cat
Who was pawing at his shoulder
From the back of the couch

I guess we are living with the
Impossible answer until we find out
What it’s like to sit here with someone
Other than the pets who love you
Unconditionally

That was it:
Conditional love had slammed the door
Sloppy lovemaking is easy
But caring afterwards was hard
For most people to sign up for
Especially in the age of polyamory

Or what were the villagers calling it now?
Ethnical non-monogamy or some other
I have sex with everybody term
But the sky couldn’t sit on the couch with him
Although he had never invited her

I suppose in the congregation of his thoughts
There was only one way to find out

Jester

What we give up without knowing
The trade off to save the self
Is the most expensive way to live
How much it costs is what we find out
When we’ve spent every last cent
“There was to give.” he said…
As he lifted his head and began to
Count the stars differently
Remembering the heat that was
Sweltering around him to make
A decision to stay where he was to
Leave what he wanted to feel
Something for someone else’s tears
When all he needed was to cry his own
And have someone hold him for once
But there weren’t any takers really
He was typically more grounded
Than the temperament of the rest
Finding jackets hanging on trees and such
Not always but mostly and met with
Suddenly more recent opportunities
To comfort another friend victimized
By themselves crying in the street from
Drinking too much vodka in a cocktail
Of not enough sleep amended too it was
Almost noon but the moon was still out
All he asked for was space to know
Where his things were where people
Or roommates weren’t consuming them
His things weren’t where he set them down
It was like an insane asylum
Jester or gesture not sure, in their bellies
“A lions den I think you would have called it”
Around here or there but these were all
People he chose to hang out with on purpose
That’s right because it was fun!
Not knife throwing “l went to the
Renaissance Fair fun,” but fun no less!
That was the point but it was
On many fronts even energetically
Speaking… very expensive

Soup

“We don’t have any qualms with you.”
They said with a grin. What’s in the soup?

Good question after all these years of living
It had become more difficult to see
How things are when reflecting on
Pools of water in the ground like mirrors
How things were when we are children
Or even just a young adult I could recall
Turning pennies over and leaving them
For some one else to find on it’s head
Not tails but that seems awfully
Superstitious now with the way
The wind blows you learn to really
Leave happenstance to unpredictable
Movements in the forces around while
Caring deeply about the most important
Value in the moment if one can, although
There was always some deducing
To be had like,
“How will this affect us in a week or two from now?”
Same as,
“I’m taking my life in… but somehow I don’t feel like I’m here for all of it?”

Follow the system
Rules and regulations
Breathing is the minimum requirement
That seems to be checking out ok
That’s one way to check out that is
Acceptable in the business of
Checking things in or out

Stick around and find out what happens
Appealing and more interesting plan
Also still trying to figure out

What’s in the soup?

Jellyfish

He bent over and heard a phone
Ring in his throat, oh well
Seems natural in the digital age
He said as he pulled his socks on
To prepare for the day ahead
Just keep thinking about how
We’re not dead until we’re dead
So they can keep throwing
Opportunities at you and then
Rip them away it’s just a game
To the big wigs but for the little people
Down here in tiny town it’s everything
We’re all just pretending that we
Have enough to get by feeling like
We’re doing something paying our part
Catching up at the end of the month
Adding to the money pie and still
Can’t help but think it doesn’t matter
Until your chalk full of lead or
Formaldehyde full of dead so we
Just keep moving and living along
Even if it means we encounter
Foot songs of grief dirges of bereft
With nothing left but tears and torn
Blankets our teeth crumbling out
Eventually if you’re not up for maintaining
That’s the end of the route
So the maintainers put their capes on
Pay their nickels at the end of the month
Throw money into programs of
Insurance that never pay off
Of course we don’t want them to
And then look for the crown at the
End of the year! You did it! You survived!
Here here! Applause! Let’s all cheer!
Barely able to stand up
You’ve been sharing your cup
With the world and the gold is
Still empty in your bucket
But you’ll resiliently say
Chuck it up to another
Shrimp on the barbie
We made it thus far; you’re a star!
You can keep going, you know it
I wonder what it’s like
To be a jellyfish

Out

Easy way out it could be considered
Take the long way home for me
Tonsorial effects kept the pennies rolling
In a somnambulating sort of way
At the time it was the only option to get by

A career did result from it so’s
Not to be waisted but feels hollow
Mostly without you being there
You can’t despise me
Any more than I despise myself
I don’t think you do at all really

Self deprecation is a personal affair
A jungle gym of insecurity you know
Running rungs one by one
Head above water that sort of stuff
But you couldn’t keep yours up
I never thought that would mean
How it sounds in this lifetime
At least even writing it down

As the days go by and we become less young
I think about youth and how much
Everything didn’t matter as much
As it does when we grow older
Shocking isn’t it? That’s sarcasm!

Struck me cold it did
Well worth finding it’s enough to
Dream of sitting in big chairs with someone
After it’s too late
Doing something of great purpose
A significance I wished for with you
Business in the future world
Now I do it for you

I can’t help but wonder if
You got the easy way out?
No maintaining bones and teeth
When you’re not on the earth
I can’t imagine any of us
Doing it deliberately but when you
Feel like the rope is frayed
It’s easier to let go of it
No need to think about
Doctors and dentistry like me
Or those of us that stick around
If you have any proclivity to stay

No drama for hysterics anymore either just
Empty promises and self preservation
Which ends on a sour note if we
Find ourselves safely wrapped in a freedom
Without hyperactively departing from the other
Or arguments with no reasoning
In a precious vault of loneliness
Who could hope for anything
But an exit
Why should we? Why do we then…

…keep going