Geino Äotsch

Big Love

Without a shadow
Without a doubt
The only treasure
I want to unbury
Is your glowing chest
So I can rest my head
Upon it
The golden barriers
Surrounding
Our salacious
Fortress
Are truncated
Off and out
Doorways glittered open
Of which to enter
With you
Our souls engrafted
To each other
Barefoot parallels
Along the beach in
Mystic nudity
I spill my heart
Out on the sand
You are my dope
My natural high
I’d spend
Three lifetimes
Studying your eyes
Your lips are hotter
Than the rays
Of any sun
My only one
Getting to know you
Even the tiniest
White lies
Engage my spies
Every desire
Your hair each strand
A lullaby
I park my heart
Next to your body
Where I can always
Be with you
On every corner
Of your city
At every
Rooftop view
Along the shores
Of your
Enormously
Big love
Your fire escape
Winds to
The outer skirts
Of everything
I want
You are a village
Of romantic
Skyline hues

Beneath the Night

Given the choice
I miss you like the dream
I never had
Between alone time
And socializing
I miss touching
I miss holding
You
In between time
I will almost always
Surround myself with
You
In fact
I miss you and my need
To be around you
Is so strong
It sometimes gets
In the way of
Everything
My responsibilities
Included
I prefer to play
Rather than work
I’m not responding
Well to orders
Unless they come from
You
Trace my borders
I want to bond
With you over our mutual
Stubbornness and lack of
Laziness to love
Each other
Not to mention
Jumping into
Pools of sweet
Aching memories
To hold you again
And again
I love to miss you
I live to kiss you
Meet me
Under the bridge tonight
I’ll miss you much less
Making out in the light
On the left side
Of the creek
Beneath the night

There

I feel a distance a dissonance an echo
From the floor up like a swirl of
Confusion winding its way
Through the people that
Know me but do not
Understand me

Is it because I make it difficult to see me
Or are you someone who finds it
Challenging to love
Is this a self care thing
Is it jealousy, is it fear
What is it that will
Not allow us to
Be near

It seems so obvious
That a person in need of help
Is the first go to and
Because this is what I do
I ask why does it feel strange
That I do not see it in you?

Speaking specifically to the installation
Of creation that I made for all of us
When it was all said and done
Only one of you took down a single
One all of the effort on my
Part even in a time of need
That would have helped me
To feel loved only one of
You bought a canvas
The artwork
Of us

It sits in my closet and I am still proud
Was it because I scared you with
The anniversary of my brother’s death
Was it because you are just too superficial
To realize?
Was it because you thought I simply
Made a bad choice in life
And that I lied?
Do you think me fake
When everything in me
Was ready to break
The people that were invested
In the project I felt left it
For dead
This is all in my head no?
Or just a reoccurring nightmare with
Work flow that I cannot seem
To put my finger on

I think about the time that I took to
Reset myself and I wonder what
Happened when I was gone?
What were the sounds that
Got thrown around from
The bowl
To the break room

From the front of the room to the back
Trophies everywhere my heart
Invested minute by minute of the
Five weeks that I spent without
Sleep nor care for my own time
To accomplish something I
Am still so very proud of

But like a stain it rests there
I take this as my art to bear
But still cannot figure
Out why I feel an emptiness
When I know that
There was more depth
Than any of us had ever shared
On a project like this

The true haunting
The true scare
Happy Halloween
I have loved you
With my mark
There

The Question

I remember us as we were
Best friends in an oblivion of lust for life
Running to the beach every Sunday
Finding a reason to wake up together
You loved the time we spent together
The ideas that I shared with you
Willing to fly to any height
And once we reached the top
Of the never ending gift of forever
You found a way to say
Do it my way

Step by step innocence
Bringing me closer and closer
Never knowing that I would lose my Friend
And gain someone
Who wanted to control me
Out of fear for losing me
I’ve seen your kind before and left
Watching what I wear, when I sleep
Who I talk to and if you cannot control it
You take the friendship away
And punish me by removing yourself
Entirely from the picture
Temporarily erasing
The dream

I know you
Here I am again praying to resist the urge
To want to escape from you
Through some mind altering substance
It’s always the last card you can pull
Push me over the edge to get your way
Make me vulnerable enough to stay
The way you want me to

Is that how you want me?
Is this what you want from me?
We are moving at different paces
Different speeds
Different marathons
And you say you can’t receive me
Is it because
You’re too busy receiving yourself?
Am I just fucked up enough
For you to love?
Do you want something better?
Or should we always stay the same?
Never to blame
Always right
Forget the insight
Just continue to be
The same person
That no one will ever get to?
Yes I’m talking to you

What do you do
When you don’t have to track me
Like a wolf after prey
She is ready to find you
To control you to protect you
From yourself

Do you see me for who I am?
Can you glorify that?
Can you lift it up
Without wanting to possess it
To take credit for it?
Must you receive recognition
For everything you do?
Is this relationship just an opportunity
To get it right for yourself
And if it’s so
How is controlling me
Allowing you to see clearly?

You are the question I cannot answer
The flame I cannot light
The dance floor I cannot find
Always hiding in the dark
Behind the trees
Catching everyone off guard
Including yourself
Wouldn’t it just be easier to open the door
When someone knocks?
Hiding from it all including yourself
In the tide amongst the rocks
There is a wall to get to you
And many have refused to climb it
Those that have tried
Are met by more bricks
You continue to build the closer I get

Every color changes
Every pathway ends
Every cloud floats away
I want to breathe your essence in
But you keep it caged so well
That letting go feels like death to you
Just like the bird
You let escape from our home
I can find you too
I can catch your spirit
And bring you home too
If only you could set yourself free
Just enough to believe
Can you answer why
This is the question
For me

Gently

Is there an altar
Where I can make an offering
Bleuets of encouragement
Velvet chocolates for your
Savory distraction

Certainty is here

Can I bring you satisfaction
Pathological relief
Give you
Aliveness you’ve been craving
Molecular geometry
Equation

Add more love
Subtract the stress
All the absent
Lack of closure
Emptiness

You’re on my radar
Watching the boundary
A stronger friendship
Than even lovers
Exclude the danger
I am your
Undercover depot
For relief

Can I offer you a refuge
Scan the distance
Watch the reef
Offer a haven
For your freedom
And safekeeping

Fight like the devil
For you
I will
In a world
Spinning wild
Create an opening
For when you
Feel beguiled
Part the seas
Open your eyes
Brush your curls aside

No one
Will play you for a sucker
By my side

I’ve got your back
Protect your heart
Remember that
I’ll tend you
Gently

Call Me

You come and go as you please
Enter in like a tease
Society must not
Be a breeze for you
Choose your weapon
No one can
Reach out to you
But the ones you want
To respond to
Satellite

What you put others through
Has no effect on you
It doesn’t matter
At all if
You’ve decided to
Turn off the phone
Nobody’s home
Anyway

Stay away
Do Not Enter
Escape reality
With mental illness
No one knows
What to expect
From the ones that
We love

What sickness is it this week?

Darkness
Sweet Torture
Occasional bliss
Up and down
Rollercoaster
A mirage of potential
Fists

No one knows what to believe
What will you say
Which way you’ll be
What phone you’ll answer
A busy signal
A busy signal
Static and
An empty dial tone
Push 1 for grief

If your phone
Is off the hook
And your receiver
Can’t receive me

I wish you peace
Call me

Skin Writing

Sign your name
With your finger
Down my spine

You redden my heart
Extreme temperatures
Define our auric
Field of time

Drumming underneath
The surface
I lose my breath
With your touch
Across the seam of my
Endorphins

It’s almost too much
But then release brings
The taste of your sweet
Astronomy
That tingles
All over my body
Glistening
Like the stars

Celestial beast

I watch you sleep
You watch me breathe
I kiss your cheek
You smother me
With your love

I found your hand
Under the sheets
You rescue me
What an attraction
We’ve become
For the ceiling to speak
Tell all our secrets
Come back to me
Even though
You’re only gone
For a split second

What is lucidity
When I’m with you
In and out of falling into
Your lovers peak
A range of silk like
Territory

Your hair
Your waist
Your lips against my face
Remember me
When we slip in and out of
Reality

We’re just a whisper
On the tip of
Shakti’s tongue

Energy
Primordial especially
Manifesting
A psychospiritual love force
Undress me
You excavate my
Rural human sanctity

Miss me
When I’m not with you
We can be
Creation
Take off my cosmic robes
Confess the
One thing you
Could never ever say

Say it to me

Skin writing
Tattoo yourself
All over me
Sanskrit emerging
Tattoo yourself
All over me

Dirty Little Pictures

Dirty little pictures
In my mind about you
Not realistic
But somehow with you
I can’t shake
This point of view

Dirty little pictures
In my mind about you
Are you a magician
Did you plant them there
No I mean really…
Did you?

Dirty little pictures
Of the things
I think about
That we could do
Is this a joke
Or will this imagery
Actually come true?

Dirty little pictures
In my mind about you
Am I just a little psychic
Or is this dreaming
Déjà vu?

Dirty little pictures
Happy feeling things
Buzzing in my mind
On replay
Like a radio tune

Dirty little pictures
Don’t be angry
Yes it’s true
I have dirty little pictures
In my mind about you

Centrifugal

Dwindle will the force
If we let it go
The perfect love
Mixed with fantasy
And power
Electric
Meteor shower

The mystery of blue
How far it travels
Away my perfect wonder
Daring nothing
Caught up in something
Other than what
Memories house

From moment to moment
Stellar mechanics
From star to star
I catch the scent
Of your trail
Even from afar

These words fall out
Of my mouth
In front
Of you

Newtonian rotations
Around your heart
Passing through my origin
Your horizon
Coordinates with the axis
Of my parts

This must be why
I love you

Want You

I can’t want you
Even though I want to
And It’s not just a warm body
I’m talking about
It’s actually you
But I can’t want you
Even though I want to
Because I’m pretty sure
That you don’t
Want me too

My body wants you
I feel my pulse rise
I feel excitement in my blood
When I’m beside you
If you don’t want me
It makes no sense to
Pretend that something
Could happen anyway with you

I’ll still be near you
Even if it means that
You can’t want me
In the same way
My body’s wanting you
There’s more to share here
Than just the sex where
We can be friends
Though not lovers
Because you still
Mean that much to me
And your beautiful
Dark warm intensity

I can get a handle
On this

To know you
Is more important
Than what my body seems to want
For us to do
And knowing that you
Have so much more to
Offer than just your sensuality
Or even a kiss

Though I might wish to
Sometimes hold you
I think a hug between friends
Is so much better

Than to have nothing at all
And if you want me
Someday we can then
Cross that bridge if
Your body decides that
It might want me too

Good conversations
Life celebrations
So many years of other things
That we can do
Yes you’re sexy
But the truth is
For me to want you to
Be with me when
You can’t want me
The same way that I want you

Is impractical

To walk away from
What we do have
Would be a waste to
Let go of
I’d be giving up
Way too much of you and so
I can accept that
We share everything else
But the sexual way
I’m feeling about you